I just haven't met you yet.

I'm not surprised.
Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in.
I talk myself out.
I get all worked up, then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it.
I came up with a million excuses.
I thought I thought of every possibility.

And I know someday that it'll all turn out.
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

Mmmm...

I might have to wait.
I'll never give up.
I guess it's half timing,
And the other half's luck.
Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your love is gonna change me.
And now I can see every possibility.

Mmmm...

But somehow I know that it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all's fair.
In love and war.
But I won't need to fight it.
We'll get it right and,
We'll be united.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And being in your life is gonna change me.
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmm.

And someday I know it'll all turn out.
And I'll work to work it out.
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get,
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Ohhh!

You know it'll all turn out.
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out.
And I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet.
Ohh, promise you, kid, to give so much than I get.

(I said love, love, love, love...)
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet.

there we go.

So, today I did a little experiment. And the results helped me so much. Your attitude something really makes a different how something turns out. Today was like every other day. I woke up, went to school, and I'm home writing in this blog. But it was so much more to that. There was way more confidence. That makes no sense, I know. But what you tell yourself is what you start to believe.

People are so stupid sometimes. The thing I hate is when people try so hard to be friends with people. Like seriously, they are not worth it. Start standing for your own beliefs and not to impress someone that truly doesn't care for you. I think one of the hardest things to do is move on, but it's by changing to be someone they love, isn't going to make you happy when they fall in love with you. To be happy, you have to be yourself and know someone loves you for just that. I always thought the whole 'be yourself' thing was really, well you know. Like okay? but it's soo true, and too many people change to impress people which in ten years won't even matter.

it'll be okay.

The thing is, no one will ever understand how you feel.

But you can't expect them to understand if you don't give them a chance to. Try to express how you feel. I know it's impossible because the strong feelings of either love or hate, can't be expressed in words. It's unfair that people have to go through their lives completely destroyed and all they have are the words of the people around them..

It'll be okay.

Is that so? Because frankly, it's been days, months, years. and It's not okay. I'll live to 85. Alright, I'm 15. That's 70 years left for it to be okay. So far, I don't see it getting any better. Yes, you are the only person that can make you truly happy. But I know for a fact, people around you impact you more than you impact yourself. If that makes any sense. The people you the most are the most important ones in your life? You answer that, because no matter what you say, I believe the opposite.

10 things I hate about you.

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Yes, I didn't write that. And yes those are not ten reason I hate you. You're are one of the most immature people I know. You could care less about anyone but yourself. If you ever want people to like you, start showing that you care. I understand you don't, and it's hard for me to believe. You're not all that great. Actually, you aren't even close. Before you go bragging about something you did, realize so many people are at the same level, same talent, same thing. That's harsh, but somehow you deserve it. You deserve to you know the truth. That you aren't perfect. That you aren't cool. There's a reason you walk alone, there's a reason you have to be annoying to get people's attention. If you're name wasn't so easy to say, I guarantee no one would. You act like someone's always watching. No one cares, I'm the only girl out there that has fallen for you this hard. Correction, I'm the only lost girl out there that has fallen for you this hard and you have no idea. Okay, what if you do have an idea. Then you are by far the biggest jerk, I've ever met. Either way, you are not worth the time to even think about, write about, talk about, goodbye. Enjoy your life, I hope you get somewhere. On the path you are going, that's very unlikely.

music heals the soul.

So, lately, its quite obvious that it has been a pretty up and down rollercoaster. But along the way I've heard some pretty random songs, but it seriously helped. So if you're bored, which most likely you are, listen to these. They'll make you smile :)

At least for me they did.

Come on Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners
Mother We Just Can't Get Enough by New Radicals
Shopping by Barenaked Ladies <-- must listen tooooo.
Hang on by Smashmouth

worst of both worlds.

He loves you. You hate him him.
You love him. He hates you.

Does anything work out? Better yet, Is anything suppose to work out?

I've only lived about 15 years, and I'm already questioning ever step I make. This is the last blog entry I'm ever going to write with you in mind. You're probably thinking that's a lie, and probably will end up saying I told you so tomorrow when I write another one. I don't get it. I don't understand why we, as humans, are tortured with falling for someone who could careless about us in the first place. I don't understand why, and at the moment that's all I want to know. I know life isn't fair, and the last thing I want is to hear an echo of it. What did I do wrong? Why am I being punished? One day I just want to wake up and be happy. I just want to know, it's going to be okay. But when I start to believe it, everything goes wrong. This is not suppose to be how life is. These are not the high school years that everyone dreams of. This is a nightmare. This is a trap that either way I try to get out, I'm going to get hurt. But the worst part is, you have no idea. I'm holding this grudge against you for causing me to cry, for causing me to give it all up, and you have no idea. You have no idea how much of an impact you have on me. If it wasn't for you, I would never wake up.

You meant everything.

Out of my life, and into the world. It happens everyday. People are hurt by other people.

This is a mad world.

It's not going to be okay.
I'm out of one trap, and into another.
I hope there is more than one way out.

that's enough now.

HAHA, listen. I'm not going to let you pretend like I'm your best friend one minute just for the next you treat me like you have no idea who I am. It's annoying and immature. Thanks.

rambling on and on.

Please explain to me why it's not worth your time to get to know who I actually am, but it's worth all the time in the world to get screwed over. I don't see the sense. Sorry for wasting your time, but take that back, the only person wasting time is me. Wasting the time to actually think you would use one minute of your time to actually say hello. That would could the the difference between friend and enemy. What I just wrote made no sense, but it doesn't truly matter. My thoughts are all over the place.

everything starts somewhere

You’re not as cool as you think you are. You are not as liked as you think you are. I’ll be your teacher and tell you what the difference between you thoughts and reality is. You’re perfect. You’re way cooler than you think you are. And you not liked, you are loved. You’re beyond human. Yeah, I don’t know you well. Yeah, I couldn’t list 5 things about you, but somehow I have a list of ten things I love about you. When you smile, I’ve never been so happy. Not because you’re smiling at me, but because you’re happy. I mean it when I say, when you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me. Look at me, I’m writing like I’m your sister. I’m writing as if I mean something to you. I might not mean anything to you, but you mean the world to me. And everyday, everyday, I look forward to lunch. The only time in my life, I’m not dying to eat. I’m dying to see you. I’m praying you’ll notice me. I’m praying that maybe for a second I’ll be on your mind. I don’t need a smile, I don’t need a wave, I don’t need anything but that second on your mind. Because everything starts somewhere.

it's amazing.

It's truly without a doubt amazing how people are be so self absorbed. And no, not only celebrities the people that walk the halls of our high school. Don't know who they are? They are the ones that do anything to not do what they are suppose to do. They are the ones who freaking just go out and do what makes them happy not even thinking for a second how it affects anyone else. But of course, it's only about how people think of you. It's about trying to get everyone on your side. The funny thing is, you're not. Half the people you think like you, all think they same. You're annoying and self absorbed. Enough said. You get it.

I've fallen for you.

It's about time I finally figure out where I'm going and how far I'll go to get there. Lately, I've been told different things. And my feelings towards myself and who I am, and you and who you are have changed, again. You're beautiful. You're perfect.

I'm not going to let the people around me any longer tell me who's right for me, and who I do and don't have a chance with. Because frankly, I don't care. I did, and it meant the world to me what my friends and family say towards my decisions and the people I hang around and the people I fall for. I do have control who I hang around with, and that's why this is goodbye. And that's why this is hello. But, I don't pick who pushes me down, who I fall for. But I've fallen for you, and I don't have anything I can change about it. So I'm going to take this chance, I'm going to say hello, I'm going to pretend I'm the happiest girl out there, when in the inside you are pulling me apart. I'm going to take the next step. The next step you take is the hardest one you will ever have to.

I'm not begging you to fall in love with me, I'm not begging you to be my best friend, I'm begging you to give me a chance. A chance to show you I'm not the girl you think I am. To prove to you I can and will be who you want me to be. Because I've never been so sure in my life than this,
We are meant to be with each other. We are meant to conquer the world. and we will, because together we can do anything. Because, when I'm around you, I know I can. Because when I see you, I feel like I've never been so special. Because, I feel like the luckiest girl ever. Because, I've never felt this way before. There's not a song, not a melody out there, no words, no actions, that can truly express how I feel.

Whoever said "nobody's perfect," never met you.

another day goes by.

This is horrible, so if you are the one to judge, don't read on. But again, if you are reading this in the first place you have nothing else to do. It's one thing to try new things, it's another to take someone's place. It bothers the crap out of me when someone that has no experience, talent, or passion for something, and walks right in and take someones place. But on the other hand, life is so unfair and hands a single person the love of it all. That person is good at everything. everything. everything. And I have to sit here and wonder, I'm just asking for one, simple talent. A simple gift, and they go out and ace the world. Sometimes, I just want to know what I did to deserve the pain of sitting here watching the world succeed, while I'm slowly fading away.