Give me two seconds

Before you go around and spread what you think is true, how about you give me two seconds to explain. You don't know me. And until I open my heart to you, you never will.

Instead of taking the way I walk, the way I talk, and turning it into a dramatic story, look deeper, and you'll see, the person with the problems, is you, not me.

I'm not going to lie.

I've never felt so free.

What has been holding me back, tearing me apart,

has been patched up with love.

Love from the people around me, from the people who care.

I never thought I'd be happy.

I never thought I could.

But I'm not going to lie,

I'm so very happy.

Ten minutes

You stand across the room.
She's on the other side, with her hands covering her eyes,
just in case you didn't already see the tears.

You tell her you love her, you tell her you're always there.
You walk out the door.

But the night she called.
The night she asked for nothing more than ten minutes.
You rejected the call, you told her you were busy.
You said it could wait.

She did not respond to the text,
putting her phone in her nightstand drawer.

She sat up on her bed, with nothing but a tshirt. She prayed for support, And to feel love in her heart. Her room stood still. With nothing but the hope she held on to. What she didn't know, was the boy she thought loved her, and knew she loved, was cheating on her with her good friend. While he was up until 4 am making love to another girl, she was praying, crying herself to sleep.

All she wanted was his hand. She waited for a phone call. She didn't want a promise, she never asked for one. She wanted the truth. She wanted his love.

The next morning she woke up with a knife in her hand.
Considering suicide the night before, she put herself first.
She knew she could make it through, whatever God gave her, she could handle.

You call her that day.
Telling her she means everything to you. She smiles, and realizes you are the best boyfriend she could ask for. Her prayer had been answered, until you spoke the next words. You told her you loved her and nothing could stand between you two. You told her that she brought faith into your life. And being honest, you told her that you weren't faithful to her.

She couldn't breathe. She didn't want to.
She took the knife, and stabbed her heart.

She wanted the truth.
She tried to run away, when she ran to it.

She wanted ten minutes.
Ten minutes for someone to explain to her, that she was stronger.
That she was worth more than a life, she was worth time.
Her beauty could not be replaced. It could not be hidden.
But she allowed one person in.
And she believed every word he said.
She put more faith in him, than the Lord.
That was her first mistake.

If only someone gave her those ten minutes.

Without you.

I remember the first time I saw you,
You lite up the room with the smile everyone falls for.
You walk like you have somewhere to go,
You talk like you have something to say.
With our conversations,
with your mind, and my heart,
I thought we were made for something more.
More than what you find in the halls,
more than what you see down the street.
I thought we were apart of love.
Love with each other, and the world around us.
We connected through the words we spoke,
through the way we walked together,
and through each sunset that we felt.
Everything was real,
Beyond what we could see was purity.
You mean more to me than anyone.

And maybe that's what's upsetting.
Because I know, no matter what's meant to happen.
I will never be with you.
And without you, I've never felt so alone.

You're everything.

Every time you walk past me, I can’t breathe. I think of every moment with you. Sitting on the park bench watching the sunset talking about the future. I remember how you would smile, then I would. Seeing you made my day.

We used to stay up all night talking about love, life, and faith. We used to be focused on what was important. Then drugs took over your mind. You lost sense of self. You were there, broken into pieces I used my life to try to put together.

But with everything I had nothing worked. You never believed me when I told you, you really were amazing. I meant every word. But what I failed to mention, was how much I loved you. But now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure with every moment, you could tell. I wish you would point that gun at me. I can not see you fall.

When you hit the ground, not even the Lord, can bring you back.

You’re worth more than nothing. To me, you’re everything.

It's not too late.

I try not to regret. Because everything happens for a reason, until you realize things are happening, for no reason at all. Besides assuming, sometimes time is the only thing that tells us the truth. We see what we have missed, over time. We see love grow, over time. We see relationships end, over time. Time is the only truth we have anymore.

I’ve waited. I’ve waited for the right time to let you know what’s been on my mind, and how every second I was living, I was living for you. But I never did, I waited until I lost my mind in a world where I created with you. When nothing was there, when everything appeared to be. These past few days, I regret that more than anything. Just to let you know, how much I really care. Sometimes, it’s too late. But if you believe in something enough, and it means that much to you. Time won’t stand in your way.

It’s never too late.

Tore me apart

You never deserved a heart as broken as mine.

I prayed for something to put back the pieces he selfishly took.

I gave in hours to you.

Hour of my day, and days of my life.

My life has no purpose until I met you.

You made me smile, but at the end of the day,

I was crying myself to sleep.

Suicide is something too serious to touch.

And with you on my mind, never would it be a thought.

But as each day went by, each time you ignored my call,

I saw what I never thought would come up.

You stopped asking how I was.

Nothing matter, as long as you were happy.

You tore everything we had.

I don't regret anything I have said to you,

because I meant every one.

What I do regret, is believing anything you said.

Bullshit is not only your middle name.

It's what you live off of.

I kept every promise, close to my heart, next to you.

I don't know why I deserve this.

I can't believe the one person that could put me back together,

is the same person, who tore me apart.

More than you understand

I never wanted anything more than to be loved.

I never wanted anything more than to be treated right.

I know I deserve more than that.

I'm barely breathing.

I've been barely breathing.

I'm drowning in my tears.

Nothing can replace what you have taken away.

I miss you more than the sun can see.

But I will never have you.

Because I lost you at hello.

Walk that mile

I remember the first day I met you. I was weak, looking for nothing but someone to lean on. I was scared, and truly broken. I could not explain why you walked in, or why you're walking out. But I know and I put my full trust that nothing just happens. There was a time, when I was nothing but happy. That first time you gave what I have been searching for. I was using my life, to find purity within the impure. Your soul wasn't strengthened by confidence, but by the reactions that came from your friends. You laugh at the homeless, and you steal from the poor. But why I keep hanging on to what was once pure, will always be a mystery. The simple mind, and the forgiving heart does not last forever. I used to long for purity, but now I long for nothing but trust.

My heart won't stop beating for you.
You're always on my mind, next to who I always thought you were.
But time tells stories you were too afraid to.
Lies start to unfold with the love we used to have.
Blame doesn't have a name.
But this time, I know it's Fate.

I want to simply be happy.

Just another day.

I fell in love with someone that was flawed. But who isn't.
This story is different though.
Because through each day, I hold onto all I thought we had.
As you look my way, and our eyes meet, the connection is too strong to deny.
The way your hair lays, reminds me of the way we used to be.
Simple.

We weren't in love, you never saw what I saw in your, within myself.
But as the clock passes time, I need to accept Fate as spoken.
That the Lord gave me your hand, so you could let go.
As I am turning in bed, I try to keep my mind off of all you used to say.
But no words can describe the denied connection we have.
Something, I will never be able to explain.
Because if I could explain, we wouldn't be so far apart.

One day, I hope you're with who you are suppose to be with.
I hope one day you look at your wife and realize she's worth the wait.
I hope beauty fills your life with tragedy and love.
Love will take you places beyond what your mind can grasp.
To the places, next to who Fate brought you to, within your own soul.

I wish you would have asked me how I felt.
So instead of writing about you,
you would fully understand what's going through my mind.
But no words, can explain why I have held on so long, through so much.
I'm not waiting for you.
I know you're never coming back.
Because you were never here.

I know, our souls unity with the connection we have.
But the truth shines while you walk away.
You're not walking away from the connection,
you're walking away from the appearance we don't have.
I don't look like someone you would love.
All my beautiful is held within my heart.
And my heart just doesn't matter enough.
But that is all I have, that is the gift the Lord has given me.
I would trade my appearance anyway to be with you.
Because that's the one thing holding us apart.

Love is a beautiful thing, isn't it?

It just happens

You once had me believing you loved me.
You once had me under your arms.
You once had me living for everyone but myself.
Living with you, living for you.
You've changed who I was.

But then there was that moment when I realized,
Not even those who I love, will change who I am.
That's the beauty about it.
Because those people love me for

who I am, who I will be, who I am not, and who I will never be.

Don't speak words you do not mean,
Close your mouth,
and learn to open your heart.
To something, someone
besides yourself.

Teenage years are full of selfish days. Maybe, one day, when you find yourself, you'll come back. But on second thought, when you find yourself, you won't need me. Make the joke, make them laugh, I'll be just fine. There's always those people, we think we can't live without. Because the best moments were with them. But the best, meaning so far. There are only better moments to come, with people you will look at and realize you waited for them. You made it through the storm, to people who love you.

You'll fall out of love, the same way you fell in. It just happens.

I'm moving to my new blog, I can't keep writing on what's already written.
I'll see you on the other side.

Today

I'm done living with who I was, and believing in you.
I'm going to make a bucket list today for the summer.
I'm going to be happy.
I'm starting by getting off facebook. I'm done with the drama.
I'm going to end with loving who I am.
Step one is the hardest. But I'll make it to the end.
I mean, I made it this far

Take back your promiseses

I believed that fate controlled our lives. That what happened, happened for a reason. When I was the weakest, when I was at my worst, you found me. Two lives, meeting in the middle. I couldn't explain or give reasons, but the fact you saw something in me means more than any reason could. I believe it was fate. You taking my hand and making a promise of a life time. And losing you, through the tears and lies, then that was fate too. But something pulls me away from that. I don't believe that was fate. I believe for the first time in my life, we went against fate. We are suppose to be together. But selfish acts, the free will we are given helped us walk down two separate paths. But before you go, know that I meant every word I said, even though yours were complete bullshit. The truth is, we could have lasted forever.

Can I tell you a secret?
While people worry about the small things in life. While people take the appearance of everyone and critiques what they don't know, I've taken my life and my time to figure out what is pure. I've always been that person to find the deeper meaning, that searches for what's right. People laugh, people point, people whisper. But if I've learned anything, I've learned you have to stand your ground. People will pick you apart, pick up the pieces and shove it right back in their face. You're beautiful for the gifts you have been given. You're beautiful for the way you love yourself. You're beautiful because you can search the world, and there's no one like you. The way you make me feel, I feel beautiful for just being who I am. And I don't know why anyone would want to ask for more than that. I'm happy with my life because I feel like I am worth something. You can say what you want, do what you want to do. But I know, in the end, if you love yourself, you'll be happy. You don't know who will be with you until the end, but you know you will always be by your side.

It's the moment when you look into his eyes and see nothing but what you used to have.
It's the moment when you pass her in the hallway and realize he'd rather be with her.
It's the moment when you realize hours have past, and you haven't talked.
It's the moment when you realize excuses fill the conversations.
It's the moment when you realize you're crying more than smiling.
It's the moment when you realize music is the only way to express how you feel.
It's the moment when you realize you're standing alone.
It's the moment when you realize you're shouting out for him, and he pretends not to hear.

It's the moment when you realize, you're in love with someone else.
That's the moment you realize you need to let go.
Let the final tears roll down your face,
and close the chapter.
This pen's has ran out of ink.

Some things are just out of our control. Smile and move right along, bad things happen so you can appreciate when good things are here. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. All you have ever wanted happened. But I swear this is the hardest thing I have ever lived through.

End of the world

What hurts the most is knowing that,
if the world was going to end.

And you could save one person.
You would still save her.

This means nothing.

I miss the innocence we used to share.
Sitting next to each other, just wondering who they are.
I miss the times just being with you made you happy,
I miss the times we were the only ones each other needed.
I miss the times you thought I was beautiful.
I miss the times we were best friends.
But we couldn't live that way, we both knew we couldn't.
But looking back, maybe that was the only way to live,
because we both know now, this way can't last much longer.

Just listen to this

The truth is, I would stand out in the rain for hours for you.
Waiting for you to come and tell me you still think I'm beautiful.
Waiting for you to tell me you still care.
I would stand in the rain, with tears running down my eyes.
Realizing you are never going to come back.
But I'll still be standing there, because no matter what anyone
says, I still have faith in you. I still have faith in us.

I'm not.

I'm not going to write about you anymore
I'm not going to write about you anymore
I'm not going to write about you anymore
I'm not going to write about you anymore
I'm not going to write about you anymore
I'm not going to write about you anymore

Shit, I just wrote about you again.

Another secret.

I really hate the way you look at me,
I hate the way you say my name.
I hate the way I'm your last choice,
I hate the way I'm only just some game.
I really hate the way you are always late,
I hate the way you never call,
I hate the way you say goodbye,
I hate the way you have it all.
I hate the way I wrote about you,
I hate the you don't care,
I hate the way you won't even read this,
I hate you and you're not even aware.

But with all this hate,
comes all this love,
with all this confusion,
comes miracles from above.
With all this frustration,
comes all these tears
crying myself to sleep,
for many years.

I thought you could save me,
I wish you would try.
People always now say,
It's time for the goodbye.

But the truth of the story,
the part you don't know,
is that my days without you
would be even more slow.

I can't see my life without you,
I can't see my days go by,
No matter what you do,
no matter what you say,
I'm going to keep holding on,
because I can't live without you,
not even one day.

In my dreams

I wanna sleep forever.
Because that's the only way I can be with you.

The Basic

Look me in the eyes and tell me you care,
take my heart and tell me you won't break it,
take my hand and promise to never let go.

You're the one thing I live for, the reason I believe I have a purpose.
And the day you let go.
The day you decide you've never loved me,
I won't need to kill myself, you would have already done just that.

You have no clue how much you mean to me.
Taking a bullet wouldn't even say enough.

Happy birthday Dad

You really have been such a great influence in my life.
I hope you have a great day, you deserve it.
I love you

Believing in you

I can not trust you nor any words you start to say.
Your smile becomes more and more like the one from yesterday.
Your laugh is nothing more than wishful thinking.
Your attitude is an act, for the whole to see.

The show is over, take a bow.
Take your Oscar and go home.
I'm done believing in the impossible.
I'm done believing in miracles.
I'm done believing in you.

My story

You will never understand my story if you continue to judge my actions before you know my motivation. Look beyond what you see. Listen beyond what you hear. And then maybe you'll start to see I am not who you thought I was.

Nothing but truth

I'm sick of people.
I just want to take a notebook, pen and leave.
I want to go somewhere where I can live my own life.
Not up to anyone else's expectations.
Not living in someone else's dream,
but instead living my own.
I want to run until I find someplace where I am accepted.
Where a test doesn't define me as a person,
where what mattered were morality and integrity.
Where people weren't always shallow.
Where people could look past themselves.
Somewhere where trust mattered.
Where people didn't look at you and judge you as a person.
God, I just wish people weren't so cruel.
Where love really conquered all.
Where people could accept other people for who they are.
People are so shallow.
People are so shallow.
People are so shallow.

You know, in the end people will love you for who you are? Right?
Maybe that is true.
But each day I feel like I am slowly falling down.
The world is cruel.

You're the only thing holding me together,
but really, you are the thing that's tearing me apart.

Like everyone else.

Like everyone else..

I want to live in a castle.
But to me, a castle is a little vintage house along a river with trees.

I want to own the nicest car.
But to me, a nice car is the one where you don't care if you spill a drink, the seats in the back are a bit torn up, and it's over 15 years old.

I want to be married to the most gorgeous husband.
But to me, gorgeous is someone who is real. With real ideas, real dreams, and a real heart.

I want to have the smartest kids.
But to me, smart people are the ones who live by their heart and put others in front of themselves.

I want to make a lot of money.
But to me, money is measured by love. Love will buy happiness.

I want to be famous.
But to me, being famous is being close to my family.




Maybe then, what I want is not like everyone else.

What we all want

I think we all just want to know someone thinks we're perfect.
Maybe not even perfect, but worth it.
To know someone thinks we are beautiful.
That with our imperfections, we still are beautiful.
I know everyone feels the same.
So why tell someone otherwise?

Best of luck to your later years.

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover.

I'm a bitch because
I stand up for what I think is right.
I speak for the people you are making jokes about.
I dress the way I want to.
I follow what I believe.
I tell you when you're nothing but cruel.
I am sincere person.
I'm not skinny.
I'm not the prettiest person out there.
I don't use drugs.
I cut my hair the way I want to.
I don't think you're funny.
I care about other people.
I look past myself to other people.

If that means I'm a bitch, I'm glad to be a bitch any day.

You've never made me happy

You've never made me happy.
You actually make me sick.
It's cute how funny you think you are.
It's funny how cute you think you are.
But you can not stand there and say I'm not good enough for you.
You can not stand there and say I'm not good enough for someone else.
I hope you find happiness in the last place you look.
Your bullshit annoys me.
Have you ever told me the truth?
Do I even know who you are?
Learn to stand your ground, and stand up for yourself.
You're just like everyone else.


You make me feel like shit
but as long as you're happy, the world's happy

Warning sign

We all hate when people warn us about other people.
It's wrong, let people make judgments on other people
when they actually get to know them.
But in the end,
when our hearts are torn apart,
we ask why someone didn't warn us.
Why someone didn't tell us they speak in lies.
The world doesn't make sense.
We know what's right, but in fear we do what's wrong.

But with my morals, I've given you a chance.
But if there's a warning, I'd like to know right about now..

If you go, I go

It's hard to look past the past.
The past of yourself, and the past of other people.
You can't let the past control your future.
You can't let the past keep you from giving and taking chances.
But the past is all we have, maybe that's why it's so hard to let go.
It's hard to let go or move past something people bring up daily.
People do things that you will never understand,
and you will do things people don't want to understand.
But I just hope the end is nothing more than the beginning.
The beginning of pure faith, and the truth behind the words.
I just hope, as it was months ago,
it will be the same as months from now.
I'm holding my breath on this one.

Happy New Year

2011
I'm ready for the challenges you are going to give me. I'm ready for the recovery I'm going to work for. I'm ready for stronger relationships. And I'm ready for the biggest wish of all time. Let's start off strong, no regrets. Bring it on.

I'm going to make a list of goals tonight.
Keeping my faith high, and love for all people, I'm going to try and accomplish every single one.
I hope fate agrees.
Happy New Year everyone.