Naive

What does it really mean to be naive? 

People call me naive for believing people when they say they are gay. 

"He's just faking it to mess with you. It's going to be so embarrassing when you find out it's all a joke on you." 

Can we step back for a second.

You can me naive for understanding people are different than YOU.

You're the naive one sir. You are. 

People are so afraid of what they don't understand. 

Don't call me naive because you haven't stepped out of your little life. 

I Believe.

I believe.
I believe in the past, for it's already happened.
I believe in the present, for it's the only way to get to the future.
I believe in the future, because I believe in the impossible.
I believe that what's happened in the past only makes us stronger.
I believe that loves breaks you down, but it's the only thing to heal you.
I believe that there is more, more than suffering.
I believe that I'm beautiful, for I am created in God's perfection.
I believe that my mind is a blessing in disguise.
I believe that no matter where I end up, it's where I'm suppose to be.
I believe.

Watching me Bleed

It's harshly funny how watching me bleed gives you some sort of enjoyment. Go ahead and lie to me. Go ahead and pretend you know much, saying you have my back. Go ahead and cheat your way through life. Go ahead and leave me. But if you're going to, leave every last piece with me. I can learn t o love again with time. I will be able to put myself back together with the support of the people around me. But don't take any of my heart with you. I'm so beyond your mind games. I don't believe your words anymore than I believe your actions. I cannot believe you go out of your way, having this pitiful attempts to create this bitter jealousy relationship that no one can explain. Don't tell me you're for real. Don't through in some fate trick. You're funny, you really are. That's sometime I never lied about. But I'm drowning over here, I don't need your added side smirks.

On your way out, don't worry about the door. I'll close it. I'll lock it. All you need to do is leave. Leave before I really have no way out.

I'll have a scar on my heart forever.
But instead of feeling pity for my story.
I will embrace every mark and have pride that I made it out.

When you're going through hell, keep going.

Too Beautiful

You're too beautiful.
Go out pick yourself a bouquet of flowers.
Go out and have yourself a picnic.
Sing in the shower, and make yourself a hot cup of tea.
Step on the crunchy leaves
and realize it's not your fault you're broken.
But it's your job to put yourself back together
through what makes you truly happy.
Caring for yourself.
Because you're too beautiful to stay down. 

Let go

What I don't understand is how I have a choice, and I still choose to be stuck in the same spot. I don't expect pity from anyone. I ignored advice, I am abusing myself. I am taking what's left of my heart and making it go through the same thing all over again. Do I have a right to pity myself? No. Take what's left and go pack your bags and move. The past shouldn't matter, but it does. And you know it always will. Nothing is going to change. What's happened has happened. Have faith and realize nothing will get better under you let go. Let go.



I'm not coming back to you. 

My heartbeat

I understand paybacks a bitch.
And I understand I hurt you. I understand you're frustrated with my mind. I understand you will never truly understand where I'm coming from.
But while you laugh on the other end, I can hear the whispers. I can taste the sarcasm. And as you're pointing, mocking, I am slowly losing my heartbeat.

Yourself

At the end of the day, who is always there for you? You.

At the end of the day, who is most important? 

I don't believe that being self centered is the way to happiness. In fact, I think those who only focus on themselves are unhappy. I think loving someone else more than yourself gives you true meaning to life. And giving someone else time, care and open ears, gives you value as a person. But while I've always lived by the message of putting other people first, I've fallen and never fully healed. It's hard to keep giving, once you have nothing else to give. Can you give love when you don't love yourself? Can you give time when you're wasting your days away? Can you give positivity when you can't find it yourself? Sometimes we spend too much time trying to fix other people. We forget that we need to spend sometime focusing on improving ourselves.

Maybe that's just how I'm feeling. And it probably is. But I guess at least I've figured it out now because I dig myself any deeper. 

Words too kind

People will say anything. And sometimes it's not necessarily the actions that hurt, it's the motive behind it. I wouldn't say I'm a weak person, in fact through everything life has tossed me, I'm learning to catch pretty well. But when it comes to you, I lose control. I can't focus because of the way I feel in your arms. I feel a false sense of security. I believe in what you say, and what you say is just a repeat of the past three years. You know, people change. People grow faces that suddenly aren't recognizable.  But you haven't change one bit. Sure, know you realize how much more you should have appreciated me. Now, you realize what we had was too real for words. I don't mean to sound conceited. I know my flaw, I know I'm not perfect, but I'm better than anything you treated me as. People ask me how I'm not hurt falling. What they don't understand is that I am hurt being with you. I can't trust you, I look at you knowing how you took my heart and purposely tore it into pieces I couldn't put back together. You purposely wanted to hurt me. And you expect me to come running back? You shouldn't. You don't deserve a chance just because you claim you're a different person. Even if, a miracle happend, sometimes, the chapter is meant to close. Are you happy with your story? You've read it all before. So yes, you should give this new guy a chance. Your life should be a story you want to keep reading. Who wants to read a book they already know the ending to? I know how this ends. This ends with me falling even further. And with you, praying I'll come back.

You will never understand how to treat people. 

Look at yourself.

How is that going? 

I'm not hurt. I'm lost. And I wish you would try to fix me. But we all know that's not going to happen. Count to three, write down your prayer and let go. 

love story

Heart break only hurts because the love you once had has disappeared. But it's not the person you miss, and that's what's so unclear after a break up. But the void will be filled. If you're not happy with your love story, start over.

Love yourself.

Always will be.

It's been a long time since I've written in this.
Probably because I've lost my love for writing these past couple of months.
I used to think because I've moved past writing feelings that are never expressed besides
on this blog that no one reads, and those who do interrupt incorrectly.

My life has changed drastically the past few months.
I've tried to keep a hold of myself and who I am, and with each last breath I pray for another day.
People will never truly understand how hiding what you feel inside can truly eat you alive. (that rhymed, kinda.)

But it's true, always has been and always will be.