My heartbeat

I understand paybacks a bitch.
And I understand I hurt you. I understand you're frustrated with my mind. I understand you will never truly understand where I'm coming from.
But while you laugh on the other end, I can hear the whispers. I can taste the sarcasm. And as you're pointing, mocking, I am slowly losing my heartbeat.

Yourself

At the end of the day, who is always there for you? You.

At the end of the day, who is most important? 

I don't believe that being self centered is the way to happiness. In fact, I think those who only focus on themselves are unhappy. I think loving someone else more than yourself gives you true meaning to life. And giving someone else time, care and open ears, gives you value as a person. But while I've always lived by the message of putting other people first, I've fallen and never fully healed. It's hard to keep giving, once you have nothing else to give. Can you give love when you don't love yourself? Can you give time when you're wasting your days away? Can you give positivity when you can't find it yourself? Sometimes we spend too much time trying to fix other people. We forget that we need to spend sometime focusing on improving ourselves.

Maybe that's just how I'm feeling. And it probably is. But I guess at least I've figured it out now because I dig myself any deeper. 

Words too kind

People will say anything. And sometimes it's not necessarily the actions that hurt, it's the motive behind it. I wouldn't say I'm a weak person, in fact through everything life has tossed me, I'm learning to catch pretty well. But when it comes to you, I lose control. I can't focus because of the way I feel in your arms. I feel a false sense of security. I believe in what you say, and what you say is just a repeat of the past three years. You know, people change. People grow faces that suddenly aren't recognizable.  But you haven't change one bit. Sure, know you realize how much more you should have appreciated me. Now, you realize what we had was too real for words. I don't mean to sound conceited. I know my flaw, I know I'm not perfect, but I'm better than anything you treated me as. People ask me how I'm not hurt falling. What they don't understand is that I am hurt being with you. I can't trust you, I look at you knowing how you took my heart and purposely tore it into pieces I couldn't put back together. You purposely wanted to hurt me. And you expect me to come running back? You shouldn't. You don't deserve a chance just because you claim you're a different person. Even if, a miracle happend, sometimes, the chapter is meant to close. Are you happy with your story? You've read it all before. So yes, you should give this new guy a chance. Your life should be a story you want to keep reading. Who wants to read a book they already know the ending to? I know how this ends. This ends with me falling even further. And with you, praying I'll come back.

You will never understand how to treat people. 

Look at yourself.

How is that going? 

I'm not hurt. I'm lost. And I wish you would try to fix me. But we all know that's not going to happen. Count to three, write down your prayer and let go.