I am fall apart.
It's a simple concept that's giving me a lifelong headache.
My heart isn't broken.
It's breaking.
It's been breaking and each day it breaks a little more.
Not being able to show to the world who I want to be.
Being in this model, not out of choice.
But out of pressure. Out of what I need to be.
Maybe life isn't complicated. Maybe it is.
All I know is that I am not just stressed.
It's not a phase, it's a lifestyle.
I don't think anyone will understand, nor does anyone take the time to see.
That maybe my perfect self, doesn't exist.
Some people were made for success.
Some people were made to fit the mold.
Then there's people like me feeling deep down inside that.....
I DO NOT BELONG HERE.
Not in a suicidal way, in a way that i know i'm meant to be somewhere else.
It's not location I'm in, it's the mind set.
I'm not meant to be angry. I'm not created to be my worst enemy.
I'm created to fight the devil, to let my demons out.
I have this vision.
This vision that I will meet someone who understands my soul.
But I don't know if thats true...
I don't think it is.
I feel like I am so powerful.
Not to rule the world, but to create a world.
And maybe that's what I'm meant to do.
Create the world I want to live in.
Be that person I've always wanted to be.
Cut my hair short, stop eating and lose weight.
Wear dresses, be happy, and let society see that I can, I will.
Maybe I don't need to find an army.
Maybe I'm my own army.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for making me feel like this.
I forgive who?
Myself.
No one broke my heart, I am breaking my heart.
I can't blame society.
Society is just the pressure that makes me feel this way.
But at the end of the day i'm convincing myself.
I'm falling into the blindness of society.
Something created that isn't real.
Society doesn't have to be reality.
It isn't.
And for who knows,
and who cares,
I'm not okay.
And with my last breathe,
I will not blame you.
I will not apologize,
I will pray.
Pray for humanity.
And pray that ...
no one feels the way I do.
