Before you go*

Before you go, I have a couple things I want you to know.

I put all my faith into what we could have become.
I put all my time in trying to fit into yours.
I put all the effort I had, to make you smile.
When we talked I believed there was a real connection.
I thought we were blasting the truth throughout the halls.
I started to believe I was meant to be right by your side.
I started to think about how perfect we were.
Two lflawed people, but seen in a perfect way.
But all of your flaws turned in beauty.
And everything around us stood still.
But lies started to take over our conversations.
Our conversations started to turn into agruments.
The agruments brought fights.
Which turned into a war.

So, now. I can not sit in the same room as you.
I can not look at you without holding in oceans of tears.
I can not speak of you without my voice shaking.

But I can deny you. That you ever did affect me.

So why is it that I could not stop writing about you.
Why is that I cut off all communication.
Why is it that when I pass you in the hallway
we act as if we don't know eachother.

I don't want to be the one to say goodbye,
but I've been holding on to a lost dream.
Fate has to take it's course,
I'm just getting in the way.

I don't know if I will ever believe the was no connection,
I don't know if I will ever believe that we couldn't have worked.
I don't know if I will ever believe that when we talked it wasn't real.

But right now, this, is something I have to believe,
But just before you go, I wanted you to know.

I'm annoyed with a capital f

I've learned who my real friends are.
And let me tell you, it's a very few.

I'm annoyed with all the complaining,
I'm annoyed with all the "my life sucks" attitude towards everything.
I'm annoyed with the assumptions.
I'm annoyed with the consist 'look at me'.
I'm annoyed with the first impressions.
I'm annoyed with the talking behind my back.
I'm annoyed with fake laughs.
I'm annoyed with the high expectations.
I'm annoyed beyond belief,

but don't ask me about it, it's probably because of you.

So then I'll lie and be like,
"oh no it's not about you, why would it be?!"
And you know, I'm such a fan of lies and broken promises.

Taking my life*

You're the sword.
and with each step I take you are slowly proving to the world just how strong you are. Or how weak I am.
talking a life.
like it means nothing. The pain and misery as you tell lies, believe in less, and convincing yourself you're good.
my life,
something I have given to you,
my world,
is you.

And you see what's left.

take back the arrow.

Complaing, space period.

I don't feel like using all these deep thoughts and putting them into words I barely understand. I'm skipping the metophors, the rhymes and going straight to the point.

I'm so sick of people complaining about things that do not matter.
Before you call me a hypercrite, I do complain everyone complains..
but there are some points where I just want to scream SHUT UP.

Especially when the person talking's life is amazing, with everything you wished for.

Think about what you are complaining about, is it really worth it?

Blame it on fate

As I lay on the grass, I look up to the stars.
It's like I'm watching my life pass me by.
I look over, and when I don't see you there,
I'm torn apart.

Knowing I've given up all we could have had.
But was it really my fault?
Fate took it's course and left us both empty.

But not hopeless.
Just because you've been taken away, doesn't mean my hope has to fad.

Remember when.

I remember the first time I met you, when our eyes met.
I never believed in love at first sight,
But you're the proof.
The proof that there is more.
When I talk to you, it's real.
Waiting for the right time, the time is now.
I'm leaving the rest of the world?
I can't leave, because you are the rest of my world.

Your smile, there's nothing more than the purity you hold.
The way you say my name, the way you shake your head
when I say something totally ridiculous.

But no matter what day, what time, you accept me for who I am.
And there is nothing I wouldn't give up for you.

Do you remember these times?
Do you remember how happy we were?
I don't either.

The Real Experience

Maybe in the future you're gunna come back,
but the only way to really know.
is really letting go.

I made the mistake to not treat you as well as you treated me.
I regret all the times I turned you down.
But nothing can replace everything you've said to me.

I'll take the mistakes and regrets and learn from them.
But if you know anything, know everything you've done
for me does not only mean the world, but changed mine.

So there's this boy

We've been best friends for years.
We talk every night until midnight.
We cry on eachothers shoulders.
I've never laughed as hard as I do when I'm with him.
In the hallways, when he smiles, I melt.
When he stops by, just to say hi.
When he sends me texts of appreciation,
I'm speechless.
He calls me just to ask how my day was.
He is always there to meet up when I need him.
He sees all the beauty I hold.


He's the greatest person I've never met.

As the sun rises, I wish I would too

Rejection, denial, gated.
It doesn't leave, no matter how much I try.
I'm going weaker, I'm losing myself.

I've learned how to be grateful.
But the pain rushes through me,
and all I can do is cry.

Watching everyone walk by,
with ungrateful words.

Seeing everyone cry and complain,
with no reasons.

I'd give the world to be how I was two weeks ago,
but I'm trapped and what's done is done.

Just living in annoyance from all the times
I wish I was different.
From the peoples complaints.

I was beautiful the way I was
and I'm now I'm barely living.

Needing help with everything I do,
knowing I'm living off the love I had.

Crying each step I take.
Barely breathing hold them in.

I just want to know His reason.
I just want to sleep for the next couple of months,
I don't want to have to wake up and cry
realizing I can not move.

I need You now.
You've taken something you gave to me,
there is no reason I need the tears.

But how much I had, how much I've lost.
People do not understand.

There is more to life than words.
more to life than everything people complain about.

I can not blame myself.
But that path, that turn.
I regret more than anything.

Because now I have to live my life in fear.
Now I can not do everything I love.

All I have left is writing.

Eachday, I sit in pain.
Wanting to go somewhere where it all goes away,
but it stays.
I can't leave.
I'm trapped.

I'm living in misery
I can not do much, almost nothing.
But I guess I can smile.

But just because it 'could be worse'
doesn't mean it's not miserable.

I pray, I pray.
I just do not understand.

I give myself to you, I pray I'll heal.
I'll give you everything, I do
One chance, I've learned my lesson

Make it go away, let my body become refreshed.

I can not hold this smile on too much longer

When music hits, it's as the truth turns into pain, and you leave with a smile.

For all the times i wish you would glance over to see the pain you've caused me.
I would have no idea what it would be like to show our pain all over our faces.
To live with the pain being held inside gleaming for the world to see.

would that bring compassion?
would that bring love?

would that let all the judgments fall between the truth?

Maybe then we'll see your face , maybe you'll see mine.

This worlds got me feeling so out of place.

Any second could be the second, for change and regain.

Someday, I'll have nothing left to lose.

And I will wait all day for that day.

Because maybe I'll find the courage to step back.

I have always took the shot, and I have missed each time.

I want to know that one time,
I will make it.

I want to know that I'm not waiting for something that does not exist.

I know you exist, I know someday we'll find each other.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

People always ask why I liked you.
People always ask why I talk to you.
People always ask what I see in you.

I see exactly what no one else sees.
Because I know who people see is not who you actually are.

So why I like you?
Because you are exactly who anyone and everyone is looking for.

Why I talk to you?
Because I'm praying, maybe, that with the words said between us will grow into something more for you to realize you don't need to keep your mask on.

Reasons don't make up logic. Reasons is the reason to hide.
Logic is, there is no point in hiding what you feel, who you are, and who you should be.
People will love you, different people maybe.
But those people who love you for who you are, are more important than the people who fall for someone you hide behind.

I mean hey, I'd love you.

I'm ready to move on, but thanks for the memories I will never forget.

When I started this blog, there was this guy I did not believe was anything less than perfect.
Well he was.
When I stopped writing in the blog, there was this guy I did not believe was anything less then perfect.
Well he was.

And now, I'm here again, just like the beginning, ready for a new chapter. I've closed the last two and ready to move to better days.
Because in someone's eyes those two guys are perfect, but with a lot of thinking, I'm not the girl for either of them.

But that does not make me any less of a person. They have made me rethink who I really am and who I should be. And the answer to both were the same - exactly who I am now.

And I still love the way things work out, because I know it's exactly how it should be.