As the sun rises, I wish I would too

Rejection, denial, gated.
It doesn't leave, no matter how much I try.
I'm going weaker, I'm losing myself.

I've learned how to be grateful.
But the pain rushes through me,
and all I can do is cry.

Watching everyone walk by,
with ungrateful words.

Seeing everyone cry and complain,
with no reasons.

I'd give the world to be how I was two weeks ago,
but I'm trapped and what's done is done.

Just living in annoyance from all the times
I wish I was different.
From the peoples complaints.

I was beautiful the way I was
and I'm now I'm barely living.

Needing help with everything I do,
knowing I'm living off the love I had.

Crying each step I take.
Barely breathing hold them in.

I just want to know His reason.
I just want to sleep for the next couple of months,
I don't want to have to wake up and cry
realizing I can not move.

I need You now.
You've taken something you gave to me,
there is no reason I need the tears.

But how much I had, how much I've lost.
People do not understand.

There is more to life than words.
more to life than everything people complain about.

I can not blame myself.
But that path, that turn.
I regret more than anything.

Because now I have to live my life in fear.
Now I can not do everything I love.

All I have left is writing.

Eachday, I sit in pain.
Wanting to go somewhere where it all goes away,
but it stays.
I can't leave.
I'm trapped.

I'm living in misery
I can not do much, almost nothing.
But I guess I can smile.

But just because it 'could be worse'
doesn't mean it's not miserable.

I pray, I pray.
I just do not understand.

I give myself to you, I pray I'll heal.
I'll give you everything, I do
One chance, I've learned my lesson

Make it go away, let my body become refreshed.

I can not hold this smile on too much longer