Two best friends

As always, every year my family and I go up to Michigan to visit our beautiful family. Some trips are short, some a bit longer. This year, when I returned home my friends handed me a very nice surprise. On my driveway, and currently still there (come check it out!), was a welcome home letter, note, drawings, whatever you want to call it. They wrote all my favorite things. Andy Samberg was a big one. They had Backseatsman quotes, Hot Rod, Yoshi, turltles, it was very sweet to say the least. The only problem is they signed it "Kels and Bank" So, I really don't know who did it... Just Kidding. I owe so much for two of my best friends. I love you lots.

Just around the corner.

We have six days to look back on the past year, look back at the broken promises but also the friendships that have been made through the faith you had in the world. It's been another year. Another year of your life, just another wrinkle on your face, just another chance to create dreams, and regrets of not living those dreams. Well, you have another year. You have another year to make a resolution to create a better life for you and the people you surround yourself with.

This year I've learned a lot about myself, the people around me and how the world works. The reasons, the faith, and the purity I see in the small things everyday. I hope you take time before the new year to look at yourself and see how far you've come. How much you've changed, how much you've experienced, how much you've lost, but more importantly, how much you've gained.

This year, I truly feel, has shaped who I am, more than any previous ones. This year I wanted to change the view people had on me, but then I realized what was important. This year, I saw the end but created a new beginning. This year people have torn me apart but the people who mattered put me back together. I've grown closer to my best friend, and farther from those leading me in the wrong direction. I've witnessed a true miracle. I've had to let go of the one person I felt was the other half of my heart. I've stood up for what I believed was right, and got complete shut down. I've gained strength and passion towards the love I have towards people. I know who to trust, and who to let believe what they want. I've been lead on to nothing more than a blank field of broken dreams. I've questioned my fate, and the real reason I'm here. I've realized who truly cares, and who has different motives. I've learned what I can handle, and what I can't. But I know with God, nothing is impossible. I've lived without a soul, and nothing but a body living for better days. I've learned to love who I am, and not let someone else's judgments define who I am. I've learned beauty is and can not be defined. Ttat beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I've learned to appreciate every step, every breath, and every chance I am given. Each day has the possibility of holding a miracle.

There goes another year.
Here we all come 2011, don't let us down.
I've been living on these 11:11s.
On wishing for better days, better mindset.
But I have a feeling, this is going to be my year.

I love the way

I love the way you can always make me smile.
I love how long you've waited.
I love the way you just randomly laugh.
I love the way you express yourself.
I love the way you trust me.
I love the way you listen to every word I say.
I love the way you open the door for me.
I love the way you look at me.
I love the way you say goodbye.
Even more the way you say hello.
I love the way you give me confidence.
I love the way you make me feel worth it.
I love the way you talk to me.
I love the way you say I'm ridiculous.
I love the way you care more than I could ever imagine.
I love the way you are, I love who you are.

And just because I don't love you the way you want me to,
doesn't mean I don't love you with everything I have.

Yesterday

Yesterday I really figured out how I'm feeling about everything. Everything that I've been fighting to figure out for the past 4 months. But even though I can't say I've been given what I've wanted, I am happy with where I am. But only because it's exactly where I am suppose to be. So what happened yesterday? Yesterday was the start of a new path. With new hope, dreams, and a million possibilities. You've made my life that much better, trust me, but what you've given me was not what was what I needed. I needed faith that I could get past what was always holding me back. People won't push you forward. People push you down. Don't give up on hope, just put your hope into something else. And yesterday, I've realized where I should move all my hope to. And I swear, it's not in you.

When the angels sing

Listen to when the angels sing.
Just don't let fate get the best of you,
let fate get all of you.
I've put all my faith in fate.
Don't let me down now.

Truth of the day.

I love, I pray, I laugh, I dance, I sing, I write, I believe, I hope, but most of all I disappoint. And that's become very clear to me now.

Let me tell you

Let me tell you the story
it won't take very long
basically the same amount as if
I just wrote everything in a song.

It starts with the first verse,
but make sure it ends fast
because if I am not cautious of the fact,
it could be forever that it lasts.

I fell in love in the worst way,
I thought it was all so true,
but if that is what people call love,
it's not worth the price I had to pay.

It's life

I can color in my heart with the lies you build your integrity with. But what good would that do, when you tear whatever I give right from my hands. Maybe the world nothing makes more sense to you, since that's all you've ever said.

Stop talking to me.

Like no other

I swear on my life, I have never felt the way I've felt towards you ever in my life. But I swear on my life, I'll get over you. That one day, I'll be writing the same thing about someone else. But the difference is the difference between the truth and your lies.

Whenever you're ready

Every interaction starts a chain reaction.

What if they didn't move.
What if he didn't stay.
What if she left 2 minutes earlier.
What if he woke up 15 minutes late.
What if she never went shopping.
What if he decided to stop for dinner.
What if she stayed in for the night.
What if he didn't make the phone call.
What if she decided to go out for lunch.
What if he tripped on his way to work.
What if she gave up on love.

But he didn't. But she didn't.
And that's exactly what brought them to this moment.
Looking at each other.
It's fate calling, answer it.

Nobody else

I've held in so much from you over the past year, and we both know what I didn't say spoke louder than if I said anything at all. I can't express, explain, tell you how much I'm dying inside. The best friends don't know me, my family not even close, but that's merely because there are no words to describe how much I hold inside. People that say they understand me, I swear you don't. I swear, you have no clue. You've changed me. You've truly changed me. And there is nothing left to say then I wish I would have told you six months ago. I just wish you would have listened.

For anyone out there

I appreciate the time you spent thinking about me.
I appreciate the love you have given me.
I appreciate the compassion.
I appreciate the willingness to go beyond and really get to know me.

But if you're out there,
I need someone to tell this to, and I pick you.

I've always loved you.
And I always will.
But please do not let my anger take over my soul.
I pray all those memories will turn into nothing but the day before,
I pray that my tears will fill my bucket.
I pray that the ones I've torn apart heal through my own pain.
I pray that I'll move onto someone worth while.
Your worth is my pain.
I gave you all, and you still just watch as I fall.

Your changing mind, friend or foe?
I'm done with your come and go attitude.
Have fun running through your life with nothing but the memories of what happened and the thoughts of what could have been. Dream with your heart, but you know you'll listen to your mind. You really had me searching. You really had all of my heart, but I hope you enjoy sitting there watching it fall apart.

I don't have a title

My mind is killing me.
But my hearts hurts even more.

I'm in for it now.
And it's all for you, for your selfish soul.

Let me know when you look past yourself.

Thanks all to time.

While we go through the misery of the days we think we'll never get through. While you go through the punishment of karma. We always think we'll never get through. That it doesn't get much worse. But then a few months, a couple years, later you find yourself smiling again. Time tells it all, and no matter how much you don't believe it, with time, you will get through anytime. Because time is truly on your side.

Chain reaction

It's funny how it all works out,
but I swear, in the end we'll all be happy.
I promise you.

Dog days are over

If could let you in, I would.
There's no real reason not to.
But you're running through my head,
in every directions.
That's something I can't stop.
My heart beats faster when you smile.
Your smile says more than mine ever will.

But while you're hear, I'd like to say what I never would.
You make me feel as if what I believed in doesn't exist.
But what I believed in was not you.
Try to figure that one out, because I can't.

Listen to yourself

Picture yourself in the with no influence of others.
Picture yourself doing what you want, because it makes you happy.
Picture yourself saying what you want, because you decide too.
Do what you want, say what you want.

In the end, if we don't say or do what we tell ourselves to do.
We will never be happy.
Stop listening to all those people. Do what you want.

I owe it all to you

You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
And there are no words to truly describe the way I feel towards you.
You make me smile by saying nothing, but it means everything.
I can trust you with my life.
And I promise you, I'm never letting you go.

Never the time

There is never the right time.
"Wait for the right time." -- Too bad that time will never come.
There's nothing more to that than that.

Thanksgiving

I remember when we were all younger we'd pass the holidays and really forget the reason behind them. But recently I've really been thinking about what thanksgiving really means, and there is no other way to say it than this; We all have so much to be thankful for, and we never really understand what we have until we no longer have it.

There are so many things in my life that I know I am blessed to have, but there are even more people that I am truly grateful to even know. Some of these people have changed my life, some are there to keep me smiling, and the support I've always needed has come from them.

I am truly thankful for everyone I have met, but if you are reading this, the chance you have even given me by reading this owes it's own thank you.

When you smile.

You seem like one of the most interesting people I've never met.
You walk by taking pride in each step.
You dance through life, to your own beat.
When you smile, I forget about everything else I've ever cried over.
When you smile, I regain I'll the faith I've lost.
When you smile, I see a brighter future.
When you smile, I am happy.
You seem like you have so much to offer.
And I hope one day, someday I'll actually get to know you.

Here's a little secret.

You'll only be as happy until you tell yourself you are.
You'll never be happy when you practice being unhappy.
You'll never love if that's exactly what you fear.
Take God's hand and have faith, that you'll make it.
Believe that you can do it, and you will.
Everything is in our minds.
If you want truth, clear your mind of first judgments.

You're worth it.

Whenever you feel like you aren't worth it. Remember, words that which you have said are echoing through someone's mind, actions that which you have done are replaying in someone's head. Someone's life is playing off of what you have said and done. You are the reason someone gets up in the morning, and the reason they don't want to go to bed. You are the reason for the smiles, and the reason for their tears. Whenever you feel like you aren't worth it, know that you are.

Begin Again

I've decided to start blogging again, maybe for you, maybe for me. I guess it all depends what you take out of it. There are moments in your life when your outlook on people, the world, and life sudden change. How long those changed last, that merely depends on the situation. But this year, I've learned to be grateful for what I have, those little things really in the end don't matter. We all complain about the smallest things. Life is crap and unfair, but sitting around complainging about it will not change the way things are. But when you really look around, we all have people who we love, and who love us, some for reasons no one can explain. We all have chances to be the change we wish to see, we all have a chance to become exactly who we want to be. That's all, I'll see you around.

Where were you

Where were you when I needed you the most

Where were you when I was left on the floor

Where were you when I couldn't find my way home

Where were you when I called

Where were you when I was lost

Where were you when I was a lone

Where were you when I said I wasn't okay

Where were you when I said forever

Where were you when I said I'd never make it out



Where were you when you said you'd be there

Where were you when you said it'll be okay

Where were you when you said it doesn't matter

Where were you when you said you'd meet me

Where were you when you said you'd always care

Where were you when you said we are always best friends

Where were you when you said you'd pick me up

Where were you when you said I could count on you



Where were you

Where were you

Where were you

The basic truth

Each day is one day closer to never knowing why we all walk on this planet, spreading love, giving hate, but most of all believing in impossible creations that would bring this world to an utter stop.

I look at the clock wishing it would stop, that life would pause, and the world would sit still. Bringing back flashbacks, tears, and those unforgetable smiles that we all seem to forget. But no matter how hard I try to stop and relax. To lay there under the stars and believe I belong beyond the everyday expectations.

I live within this dome I've created with lost dreams, and selfish acts.
I've been believing in the impossible and that reality was just a blink away.
Reality is here, and each day it becomes more clear how far away everything is.

And how much of a chance I do not have.

Take it for what it's worth.

You were always on mind. You unknowingly became apart of my everyday life. You're smile gave me hope, and my dreams were full of how I could and would make you happy. I prayed you'd see everything in me that I saw in you, every night. I wrote pages and pages how my feelings took over my mind. I wrote about all the faith I had, of all the times where I never believed in something as much as you. For the past year, each day I've fallen more and more for you. For the lies that kept our friendship together, are the same ones that tore it apart. I gave all I had to you, and I still was not enough. There is nothing I could have done besides being there for you. And now it's clear, you do not need me anymore. And I have to accept the fact of what was tearing me apart was not that knowing that you did not feel the same, but now knowing you do not need my guidance anymore. I'll learn one day to move past all the doors I thought of opening, and I'll hold in all the words I've never said. I'll stop denying you to everyone who's asked. I'll be honest and say, you were someone I can not explain. You've changed my view on people, and life in general. I feel like I've truly failed you. That you out of all people still took the road most traveled. It's scary how well I knew you, and how well I thought you knew me. But as each day goes by, we become more of strangers. We ignore the presence of eachother, and move right on to the people we call our friends. What happened, I really couldn't say. Maybe what I didn't say was more powerful than anything I could have said. But as my life goes on, I will never forget all the comments and words you've said to me. For whatever motivation you had, that motivation is what brought me to where I am today. Hiding behind a mask, right next to the people I thought I would never get close to. Maybe you never did belong with me, maybe my friends were wrong, maybe my heart could not handle not being with you. Because when I think of soulmates, I think of how our hearts go together. How much of the world we could have conquered. Within my soul, I truly believe and always will, we could have worked. There was a connection that I don't care who denys, it was always there. And there was some force which brought you to me. And it was some cruel prank, trick, to see how fast I could fall. I'd like to think I'm on the right path, that maybe peple have walked in to replace the scar you've left on me. But let me tell you, you will never understand how happy your hellos make me, and how each goodbye makes my heart completely stop. I would have ran infront of any bullet for you. And even though seeing you makes me frustrated and confused, seeing you smile since makes me believe you are going places. I hope you find someone that cares for you as much as I do/did. I hope you find happiness in where it has always been. Everyday I want to share everything I've felt for you, with you. But I've held back because you're judgemental personallity is too large for any attempt to make your life that much better. I wish I could tell you, I wish you could understand. But time has past, and time is the only thing on my side. And there are no amounts of words that can explain. I'll always remember you saying I deserve someone too because I'm respectable. I will never forget that text message that started it all. And those months where you were torn up because of her, I was crying myself to sleep. One day, I hope you just open your eyes.

I pray

I'm just done.
I'm just tired.
I'm just ready to get better.

Each day gets longer and longer.
I'm sick of my sister complaining about how I ask for help.
"Why can't you just get it, you aren't paralyzed."

Each time I want to do something, I realize I can't.
It's just been the longest months of my life.

Hawthorn.

About two years ago, I met you.
About 9 months ago, we started hanging out.
About 7 months ago, we became best friends.
About 5 months ago, I felt like I was losing you.
After 3 months ago, it was clear you didn't care.
About 1 month ago, I realized I would give my life for you.
About a week ago, you were tearing me apart.
About a minute ago, I was trying to tell you I love you.

A New Light

I'd like to say, for the first time in a long time.
That status, is not about you.
:)

Peaceful Mind

I'd like to say, I'm healed.
I'm done with the tears and I'm free from my negative point of view.

And that's exactly what I am going to say.
I have wasted too much time on dreaming when I just needed to finally wake up.
I'm over the tears,
I'm onto what I deserve.

I'm just moving on.

Shut the door*

I don't understand why I look for all these different places to write down, exactly how I feel about you. Why has this not happened before? Because this is the first time I'm going against what I believe. I believe that if you like someone, if you see someone for who they are, and you like that, why would you not tell the person? Why would you keep inside something that could be the difference of life and death for someone? For you, there is no way I would ever tell you. I don't tell my friends, I don't tell my family, I don't tell. Because I know once people know, the feeling I have, does not mean as much. Through the lies and assumptions something so pure can become meaningless. And no matter what anyone says, I know how I feel is something that can and is tearing me up inside. And some tears you can not hold in. Why I won't tell you? You don't need someone else to let down. Maybe I can keep the hope alive not knowing how you actually feel.

I always said not to make assumptions, but honestly there are times where it's too obvious to deny. I know you were and will never feel the same as I do. I know I will never be that girl you have been using your 16 years of your life looking for, so I can say- there is no point.

But my point in all this is not so we can fall in love and run away together. There is no reason for me to deny the fact you have changed my life, and brought someone out of me I've never knew was there. While you are off trying to make your life perfect, I'm trying to just live mine. I don't have time to add perfection, I'm trying to just make it through.

You are the hardest to let go.
and it is no mystery why.

There was never a closure.
I'm trying to use writing to let out everything I feel.
And I never wanted it to come to having to tell you to refresh and renew my soul.

But each day is getting longer.
Each night I stay up longer crying.
Each morning, I pray I'll make it through.

And each day I realize, that maybe keeping this door a crack open just in case you need me, doesn't work.
Maybe I need to tell you how I really feel, say goodbye, and shut the door.

Ask me

Ask me what I like to do.

Ask me what values I have.

Ask me what I think about you.

Ask me what I believe.

Ask me.

Don't go and ask my best friends,
Don't go and assume you know.

Ask me.

I wish

You get one shot,
you get one chance.

And the worst feeling is to look back and see how your chances faded to nothing.
Let's pretend we had as many wishes as we wanted.


I wish you would look past my face.
I wish you would have given me a chance.
I wish you didn't listen to your friends.
I wish I didn't ever go to that musical.
I wish I didn't go to Fishers Junior High.
I wish I was a year younger.
I wish I had B lunch all of last year.
I wish you would have just given me a chance.

I wish you would ask me if I liked you.
I wish you would text me.
I wish you could see through the lies.
I wish you felt the spark.
I wish you wouldn't judge me when we pass eachother.
I wish she would have dated you.

I wish you understood that's annoying.
I wish you understood I don't trust you as much.
I wish you understood the jokes aren't funny.
I wish you understood I don't like when you do exactly what I do.
I wish you understood I like the music I like, you don't have to.
I wish you understood you need to stop complaining.
I wish you understood you don't understand.


I wish I just didn't care anymore

I need to stop lying*

to myself.

I remember when you told me that it would be okay. I remember when you told me I deserved better than him. But I would never have guessed I would stay up crying each night trying to catch my breath because every word you never said runs through my head. I turn up the music until I can not hear myself think. Because all the thoughts I have in my mind, are all about who I thought you were. If you really knew me, you'd know how strong I was. If you really knew me, you'd realize I need someone.

I've found who I need. And while I wasted the past months, believing it was you, I turn and realize who I really needed was the One who put me here in the first place. And as I life on, I know I can not talk to you. Because I have learned to live my life without you, and with all the progress I've made, the worst thing that could happen would me letting you back in. But I don't apologize for having to let you down. You'll find someone else to use, really.

What happened to me stopping writing about you?

Who knows

Why is it that

Why is it that, I can not stop thinking about the past year.
Why is it that, no matter what you say or what you don't do, I still can't stop thinking about you.
Why is it that, whatever anyone says, I still believe deep down there is good in you.
Why is it that, I used to believe I matter to you.
Why is it that, I ever believed anything you said.
Why is it that, we could sit there and laugh, but anything real was denied.
Why is it that, it felt like you were the one real thing in my life.
Why is it that, when I hear your name, I remember you saying how much you trust me.
Why is it that, when we hang out, we act like best friends.
Why is it that, no matter how much I am there for you, you are never there for me.
Why is it that, I am still writing about this.
Why is it that, you are so hard to let go of.

Because for the first time, I believed it was real, right, complete. For the first time, I thought it was obvious through everything. I thought you had appreciation for everything I did for you. Because I believed God had a bigger plan for both of us. Because I thought I was going to witness a miracle. I thought you were my miracle, and maybe I could have been yours. Because every time you asked what was wrong, I THOUGHT YOU CARED. Because I can not deny what I felt towards you. And for the past 16 years of my life, I have never looked at someone the same as I looked at you. And no one can and will ever understand.

Maybe that's why.

I always want to stay close to my family

I want to be completely honest.
Even though I pretend like I'm okay
you're comments stab that spear right through my heart.

When you repeatedly hear something,
you start to believe it.

Whenever you say -
"nobody needs you."
"nobody wants you here."
"you're a mistake."
"parents hate you."

I don't care how strong I am,
I don't care how strong you are.

There comes a point where I can not stand hearing the
same negative words everyday I come home from school,
which already almost is living hell.

The next time you say
"I wish I could be a big sister, I'd be a good one."

Remember, sometimes how the
'big sister' acts is off of how the 'little sister' acts.

I wish I could be a little sister, I'd be a good one.

there is nothing left*

If I give you my hand,
what do you think that means?
Nothing, you let go.

But that sounds pretty good
when you're falling asleep listening
to your heart slowly stop beating.

If I give you my heart,
what do you think that means?
Nothing, you held on.

But now you're a scar, healed and done with.

let the flowers die

Dear Unknown Source,
Stop pretending you know me. Stop spreading I'd take your life for mine. Because you know what, it's the exact opposite. I'd give my life for everyone's and anyone's. But I'd pray it would mean something to you. Stop staring me down. Stop laughing when I can't speak, you make me speechless.

Stop judging me.
Stop judging me.
Stop judging me.

If you look at me and figure you know what I like, what I think, what I know, you are wrong. Try to name something I hold close, I can say it's not what you care about.

While you worry about that, I'll worry about this.

What I have in my hands are closed shut. But I won't keep it from you.
But don't beg for the reasons why, don't ask for me to change.

I'll consider the sky,
I'll wait for that time.

Unknown Source. You know nothing, about me.

You told me not to say

You're listing off reasons,
I started to cry. You told me to stop...
You showed me how to stop.

You push me down, I fall through the fence.
Here's what you didn't know

I walked miles to see you,
I cried ever night I stayed from home.
I hid with my ex bestfriend for you.

I gave up years of my life,
All the time I had, I used in trying to make our relationship work.
But from the punches and slaps.

I have nothing but bruises up my arms,
my bones are broken but I still try with every breath to walk.
But I fall.
I fall for you

Through everything you put me through,
from the threats to the depth of my tears.
Why do I go back to you..

Push me down one more time,
I swear, one day I won't walk back.

Before you go*

Before you go, I have a couple things I want you to know.

I put all my faith into what we could have become.
I put all my time in trying to fit into yours.
I put all the effort I had, to make you smile.
When we talked I believed there was a real connection.
I thought we were blasting the truth throughout the halls.
I started to believe I was meant to be right by your side.
I started to think about how perfect we were.
Two lflawed people, but seen in a perfect way.
But all of your flaws turned in beauty.
And everything around us stood still.
But lies started to take over our conversations.
Our conversations started to turn into agruments.
The agruments brought fights.
Which turned into a war.

So, now. I can not sit in the same room as you.
I can not look at you without holding in oceans of tears.
I can not speak of you without my voice shaking.

But I can deny you. That you ever did affect me.

So why is it that I could not stop writing about you.
Why is that I cut off all communication.
Why is it that when I pass you in the hallway
we act as if we don't know eachother.

I don't want to be the one to say goodbye,
but I've been holding on to a lost dream.
Fate has to take it's course,
I'm just getting in the way.

I don't know if I will ever believe the was no connection,
I don't know if I will ever believe that we couldn't have worked.
I don't know if I will ever believe that when we talked it wasn't real.

But right now, this, is something I have to believe,
But just before you go, I wanted you to know.

I'm annoyed with a capital f

I've learned who my real friends are.
And let me tell you, it's a very few.

I'm annoyed with all the complaining,
I'm annoyed with all the "my life sucks" attitude towards everything.
I'm annoyed with the assumptions.
I'm annoyed with the consist 'look at me'.
I'm annoyed with the first impressions.
I'm annoyed with the talking behind my back.
I'm annoyed with fake laughs.
I'm annoyed with the high expectations.
I'm annoyed beyond belief,

but don't ask me about it, it's probably because of you.

So then I'll lie and be like,
"oh no it's not about you, why would it be?!"
And you know, I'm such a fan of lies and broken promises.

Taking my life*

You're the sword.
and with each step I take you are slowly proving to the world just how strong you are. Or how weak I am.
talking a life.
like it means nothing. The pain and misery as you tell lies, believe in less, and convincing yourself you're good.
my life,
something I have given to you,
my world,
is you.

And you see what's left.

take back the arrow.

Complaing, space period.

I don't feel like using all these deep thoughts and putting them into words I barely understand. I'm skipping the metophors, the rhymes and going straight to the point.

I'm so sick of people complaining about things that do not matter.
Before you call me a hypercrite, I do complain everyone complains..
but there are some points where I just want to scream SHUT UP.

Especially when the person talking's life is amazing, with everything you wished for.

Think about what you are complaining about, is it really worth it?

Blame it on fate

As I lay on the grass, I look up to the stars.
It's like I'm watching my life pass me by.
I look over, and when I don't see you there,
I'm torn apart.

Knowing I've given up all we could have had.
But was it really my fault?
Fate took it's course and left us both empty.

But not hopeless.
Just because you've been taken away, doesn't mean my hope has to fad.

Remember when.

I remember the first time I met you, when our eyes met.
I never believed in love at first sight,
But you're the proof.
The proof that there is more.
When I talk to you, it's real.
Waiting for the right time, the time is now.
I'm leaving the rest of the world?
I can't leave, because you are the rest of my world.

Your smile, there's nothing more than the purity you hold.
The way you say my name, the way you shake your head
when I say something totally ridiculous.

But no matter what day, what time, you accept me for who I am.
And there is nothing I wouldn't give up for you.

Do you remember these times?
Do you remember how happy we were?
I don't either.

The Real Experience

Maybe in the future you're gunna come back,
but the only way to really know.
is really letting go.

I made the mistake to not treat you as well as you treated me.
I regret all the times I turned you down.
But nothing can replace everything you've said to me.

I'll take the mistakes and regrets and learn from them.
But if you know anything, know everything you've done
for me does not only mean the world, but changed mine.

So there's this boy

We've been best friends for years.
We talk every night until midnight.
We cry on eachothers shoulders.
I've never laughed as hard as I do when I'm with him.
In the hallways, when he smiles, I melt.
When he stops by, just to say hi.
When he sends me texts of appreciation,
I'm speechless.
He calls me just to ask how my day was.
He is always there to meet up when I need him.
He sees all the beauty I hold.


He's the greatest person I've never met.

As the sun rises, I wish I would too

Rejection, denial, gated.
It doesn't leave, no matter how much I try.
I'm going weaker, I'm losing myself.

I've learned how to be grateful.
But the pain rushes through me,
and all I can do is cry.

Watching everyone walk by,
with ungrateful words.

Seeing everyone cry and complain,
with no reasons.

I'd give the world to be how I was two weeks ago,
but I'm trapped and what's done is done.

Just living in annoyance from all the times
I wish I was different.
From the peoples complaints.

I was beautiful the way I was
and I'm now I'm barely living.

Needing help with everything I do,
knowing I'm living off the love I had.

Crying each step I take.
Barely breathing hold them in.

I just want to know His reason.
I just want to sleep for the next couple of months,
I don't want to have to wake up and cry
realizing I can not move.

I need You now.
You've taken something you gave to me,
there is no reason I need the tears.

But how much I had, how much I've lost.
People do not understand.

There is more to life than words.
more to life than everything people complain about.

I can not blame myself.
But that path, that turn.
I regret more than anything.

Because now I have to live my life in fear.
Now I can not do everything I love.

All I have left is writing.

Eachday, I sit in pain.
Wanting to go somewhere where it all goes away,
but it stays.
I can't leave.
I'm trapped.

I'm living in misery
I can not do much, almost nothing.
But I guess I can smile.

But just because it 'could be worse'
doesn't mean it's not miserable.

I pray, I pray.
I just do not understand.

I give myself to you, I pray I'll heal.
I'll give you everything, I do
One chance, I've learned my lesson

Make it go away, let my body become refreshed.

I can not hold this smile on too much longer

When music hits, it's as the truth turns into pain, and you leave with a smile.

For all the times i wish you would glance over to see the pain you've caused me.
I would have no idea what it would be like to show our pain all over our faces.
To live with the pain being held inside gleaming for the world to see.

would that bring compassion?
would that bring love?

would that let all the judgments fall between the truth?

Maybe then we'll see your face , maybe you'll see mine.

This worlds got me feeling so out of place.

Any second could be the second, for change and regain.

Someday, I'll have nothing left to lose.

And I will wait all day for that day.

Because maybe I'll find the courage to step back.

I have always took the shot, and I have missed each time.

I want to know that one time,
I will make it.

I want to know that I'm not waiting for something that does not exist.

I know you exist, I know someday we'll find each other.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

People always ask why I liked you.
People always ask why I talk to you.
People always ask what I see in you.

I see exactly what no one else sees.
Because I know who people see is not who you actually are.

So why I like you?
Because you are exactly who anyone and everyone is looking for.

Why I talk to you?
Because I'm praying, maybe, that with the words said between us will grow into something more for you to realize you don't need to keep your mask on.

Reasons don't make up logic. Reasons is the reason to hide.
Logic is, there is no point in hiding what you feel, who you are, and who you should be.
People will love you, different people maybe.
But those people who love you for who you are, are more important than the people who fall for someone you hide behind.

I mean hey, I'd love you.

I'm ready to move on, but thanks for the memories I will never forget.

When I started this blog, there was this guy I did not believe was anything less than perfect.
Well he was.
When I stopped writing in the blog, there was this guy I did not believe was anything less then perfect.
Well he was.

And now, I'm here again, just like the beginning, ready for a new chapter. I've closed the last two and ready to move to better days.
Because in someone's eyes those two guys are perfect, but with a lot of thinking, I'm not the girl for either of them.

But that does not make me any less of a person. They have made me rethink who I really am and who I should be. And the answer to both were the same - exactly who I am now.

And I still love the way things work out, because I know it's exactly how it should be.

A long with everyone else, I wish someone saw me.

Maybe the reason for all, is fear.
Maybe it's because of fear we are hiding from those we love, and attracted to those we hate.
Maybe it's because of fear we wear our mask everywhere we go.
It's not a maybe, it's a fact, and the only way we will show who we are to people is if we forget about fear and all it's worth.

What is fear worth?
nothing more than sleepless nights, fast beating hearts, and thrown away chances.

Fear tries to convince us to take the way out from accomplishing anything.
Because, maybe it won't turn out.
But honestly, the change is worth all the pain it could possibly cause..
because..
well. It could turn out.

but if it doesn't, just don't let fear make you believe it could never happen.
Because I swear to you, one day you will prove it can. Because it will.

We all like being complimented, respected, loved, so why is it that we never give out these things. When it's all we want.

I don't know why when you walk by a group of people you are immediately judged on your appearance. It just doesn't make sense why we don't give out compliments. Why we don't respect other people. It's short, but just a random thought.

As the flowers bloom, as I fall apart. I do not care what people say, I know this feeling is here to stay.

From the beginning when I knew you, to now. I've always thought we had a connection. From the way we caught on to eachother's comments. From the way we knew what the other was thinking, from the way we knew we each other wanted to go in life. To this unbearable tension which is causing pain I've never felt before. But through all the tears and all the wishing I was someone just for you, I know we could have been together. That it would have worked. But I guess there are other people we work better with. But I don't care what anyone says, something was there. And that you can't even deny. And that is what will keep me going.

Bible

Luke 6:31
Matthew 7:12
John 7:24
Ephesians 4:29
1 John 5:4
Mark 9:23
1 John 4:8


Leviticus 20:13 - this one is interesting

6/23

How about now, how does your situation sound? Pretty good doesn't it?

I think that's with everything,

You think you have it the worst. Someone tells you something that happens to them.
Maybe you don't have it the worst.

So what was the point of sitting and feeling sorry for yourself? Where did that get you?
Sleepless nights?
Crying yourself to sleep?

Awesome, what a pointless thing to do.

6/20

Alright I'm back, because this past week:

Music + Reading = Change

But it's not a change where I know I've turned down the wrong road. I'm proud of who I am becoming and have learned so much about it. About life, positive thinking, everything. As I keep growing and becoming wiser each and everyday, I want to write a book. I want to write something that no matter how many people read, will change someone's life like Sean Covey really changed mine. I have so much now to say. (As in I didn't have a lot to say before.)

6/11

I'm stopping this blog for awhile.
I love to write, but it's gotten to a point where what I write needs to go somewhere else.
I'll come back.
I'm just taking a break.
Thanks so much for everything who reads this.
I love you.

6/9

GUESS WHAT;
I'm finally understanding what is important

• God
  
• Family
• Friends
  
• Not you

And it's a great feeling.

can't be tamed.

For those who don't know me
I can get a bit crazy - yeah, we all can tell.
Have to get my way yep - that’s good.
24 hours a day
Cause I'm hot like that - at least you have low self esteem.

Every guy, everywhere - at least you're not full of yourself
just gives me mad attention - mad attention, sounds peaceful.
Like I'm under inspection – that’s kinda creepy milley.
I always get a ten – is that negative or positive?
cause I'm built like that – thank your parents for that one

I go through guys like
Money flying out the hands – oh, be pround be proud.
They try to change me
but they realize they can't – too bad.
And every tomorrow is a day I never plan
If u gonna be my man understand – why do you make it sound like you have one man.

I can't be tamed
I can't be saved – man, too bad. Too late for that.
I can't be blamed – yes you can
I can't can't
I can't can't be tamed
I can't be changed – that hurts us all.
I can't be tamed
I can't be can't I can't be tamed

If there is a question about my intentions – yes, I have like a million.
I'll tell ya – how nice of you.
I'm not here to sell ya
Or tell you to go to hell – well that’s something nice!
I'm not a brat like that – wait, when did this happen?
I'm like a puzzle
but all of my pieces are jagged – yes, we can tell.
If you can understand this – yeah, no one does.
We can make some magic
I'm wrong like that – this is to the five year old girls?

I wanna fly – of course you can, you’re that bird
I wanna drive – birds don’t drive miley.
I wanna go - no one is stopping you
I wanna be a part of something I don't know – but you do know.
And if you try to hold me back I might explode
Baby, by now you should know – we really should

Well I'm not a trick you play
I'm wired the different way – don’t worry, we know.
I'm not a mistake – no one is.
I'm not a fake – is this a joke?
It's set in my DNA – now you get it!
Don't change me - too
Don't change me - bad
Don't change me – so
Don't change me – sad.

But please, don't get me wrong. I love miley cyrus and all her morals. She brings the best out in everyone and is so humble.

6/4

Live life with no regrets, right?

For the past year, I have learned so much. I've befriended myself including my talents or lack of, my flaws, and my inspirations. I'm not sure if I've found who I am, or created who I am. But I'm now someone, and know where I'm going.

I've kept my hopes up, and they've been knocked down.
But through everything, I've ended in the place I was meant to be.

I've fallen for people who tore me apart. I've lied to myself. I believed in things that weren't real, and believed in things that were.

But that's the past, and I've got to look in the future.

How I'm feeling: I'm feeling like I'm living for something that's not going to happen. I feel like I'm living in this secret that is slowly is being revealed to everyone. I'm faking that smile.

Letter to you:
Whenever we talk, I'm hiding all the words I want to say to you. I'm hiding everything I've thought of, and everything I wished and still wish would and will happen. It's one of those times when you believe things will be different. But every time, is one of those times. One of those times you fill yourself with all these thoughts that you could prove the world and everyone saying different wrong. That maybe, what you've been wishing for, will come true.

11:11, oh I wish for you.

I don’t know where to go from here, but I know I shouldn’t go to you.

Sure, maybe you don’t realize what it takes to be pushes down by someone like you. But I sure as hell know you’ve been torn apart before. Being the hypocrite you are, maybe it’s no surprise you treat people the way they shouldn’t be treated. I don’t mind you living by your own rules and breaking every promise you ever made, but don’t bring me along in it. I’m done with trusting everyone; I’m done with thinking tomorrow it might be better. It will only get better if I leave you to your lies and me to my heart. You’ve got your few friends, but my friends are more like a family, they will support, love, and understand me as well as they can. So I think it’s very clear we were never friends. Do me a favor and never talk to me again, I’m done trying to convince you, I’m done trying to step out of my way to make yours that much easier. I’m dying each day knowing you’re gone, but I’m growing stronger knowing one day I’ll really meet someone who is worth it all the pain you’re putting on me.

If you love me, call me, look no missed called.

I don't think I've been this mad in my life.
I would type this in all caps if it didn't annoy the crap out of me.

People need to realize some people are different.
People need to realize not everyone wants the same thing.
People need to realize THEY AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE.
People need to realize the motives behind what they do are NOT the same as yours.
People need to realize in order to get respect you need to show respect.
People need to realize the world doesn't revolve around them.

People need to shut up about themselves and start to show respect for other people.
People need to stop being so lazy and actually do something.

I'm annoyed with everything.
Because everything is exact what doesn't care.

I'm done with everything.
Because since the day I was born, the world was done with me.

I don't care how much you care about me,
I swear I care for you one hundred times more.

I don't care the time,
I'll use how much time to get the hell out of here.

I'm done living in this world where nothing I do is ever good enough.

I'm done trying to explain myself.
If you gave shit about anything about me,
you'd take the time to understand.

Stop joining sides and stand for yourself.

I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy.
And I guarantee, five people just judged me.
Grand.

let'sdance.

I kinda just want to prove the world wrong.

I'm afraid to write anymore to make it sosososo obvious who it's about,
well I'll see you tomorrow, still clueless about anything. yay for life.

ANSWER THIS PLEASEE

I was going to ask this on facebook, but decided it would be more appropriate to ask on here.

Do you like the direction I'm going with my blog? or should i redo it all, and go with more simple thoughts, than deep complex ones? Please please please, tell me what you think. Thanks :D

what is love.

Love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person.

Love is a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.



Sure maybe those are true.
But I think true love, don't have words to explain.

Amazing by Josh Kelley.

So come on let me see
I say baby you are amazing
I want to let you see
That you are everything and more to me
I will let you be I will I will

Cause I saw you walking down the hall
And I had a lot to tell you
But I didn't think you could say it better oh baby

You're good at makin me feel so small
And I know you made your point
But I just don't want to remember yeah

And I know you've got the feelin
And I cant say I'm agreein with your topic of conversation
So just listen to the reasons
And the hints that I've been giving
To the thoughts of my imagination

dear friend.

Please do not get me wrong. I want to see you happy, It’s just hard to always be there for you when you weren’t there for me when I needed you the most. You won’t ever read this, and if you happen to, you won’t even know it’s about you. Because you never understood how lost and confused I was then. And how much I needed guidance. I’ll do my best to be everything to you, that you weren’t to me. No matter how much pain it puts me through.

This is the last straw and the first goodbye.

I love helping you through everything. I love to see you smile, but I’m done believing you’ll come around. I know you will never understand, and it probably doesn’t help that you don’t try. I’m not who you think I am, and you’re not who I think you are. “I'm a wandering soul, I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone. All I know I still got mountain to climb on my own.”

I love you enough to let you go, so why don’t I love you enough to let you know.

here we go again, best friend.

Never
Actually
Tell
Everything.

Because
Ready
Or not,
Words
Never work.

whoa oh, what are you waiting for?

Sometimes Everything And Nothing Can Lay out Actual Nonsense Cuz You.

*listen to these friend.*

Always Remember by Train
Animal by Neon Trees
Put It Behind You by Keane
If Only by KT Tunstall

Enough To Let Me Go by Switchfoot
Bullet by Mat Kearney
Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin
Just To Be Me by Josh Kelley
Hurtful by Erik Hassle

5/22/10
Parachute by Train
On the Way Down by Ryan Cabrera

Let me hold you for the last time, it's our last chance to feel again.

Broken Strings by James Morrison

The last thing I've ever wanted to be was broken. But when you give your heart to someone, what do you expect. Love keep people together but also breaks them apart. Love gives that push to keep going but also makes you want to give it all up. Love is the greatest and worst thing, all in one. When you're little, you love a toy, and when you're older, you love some jerk that takes your heart gives it up and breaks it in half. I would much rather have that toy broken than my heart. Too bad we all waste those tears back then on things that didn't matter one bit. No matter how far love has pushed us away, we always go back for more. That maybe one day, it'll all work out. You can't feel anything that your heart don't want you to feel. You can't play on broken strings.

I'm sure, I must belong somewhere.

Recently, I've been so frustrated with accepting things the way they are. I know no one is ever going to understand you. I just still have that hope, that cheesy way of meeting someone, that unrealistic way of falling in love. But isn't love all about not expecting things and miracles. Isn't love a miracle. I try to hold on, I try to think I'll one day prove everyone who has told me, it's not going to work out. I fight against all those words about getting nowhere and about being someone not worth it.

I just feel like I belong somewhere else. I don't understand why I'm the only one to ever think through everything. When I walk down the streets I feel like I'm walking to someplace that doesn't exist. I just wish I wasn't only the crazy one. I wish something would work out, I wish people would make positive impacts on other people. I wish people cared. I wish people would stop judging other people. I wish people would look past themselves. I wish people would try and look at things from a different point of view. I wish people would understand other people are going through hell. I wish people would give other people a chance.

I guess wishing only lets you down. But there's to a point, the only thing you can do is wish. Wish that maybe, someday, things will be different. That maybe someday you'll wake up happy, and go to sleep grateful. That maybe one day you'll feel loved.

I shouldn't be this happy without you, but I've never been so happy.

We are all hypocrites, but what can we do.

Call me what you want, because what you say about me, does not change who I really am.

That's one thing that makes me so frustrated is when people don't understand that other people can say whatever about someone, that doesn't make it true, nothing is true. You make what is true, and you feel what is true. I think the one thing people want is for people to really get to know them. Sure, sometimes obviously, people don't care for someone to really get to know them. But I think we all get annoyed when people pass us by assuming and guessing at who we are. We all do it, and that makes us all hypocrites. Even for saying we hate backstabbers, jerks, assholes. Too bad we are at least one of those to someone. The people that tear us down is the feeling we are giving to someone else, just by living. Because we naturally don't think about how we are really affecting others. I admit, I do care for people more than I should. But even then, we all need to take a second and actually think about how are actions are affecting people. We live in a world of hypocrites, we are all hypocrites, I guess that's the same as no one is?

Why don't we give people chances. Why do we treat people the exact way we all hate to be treated. It's like half the time people like to see pain on other people. Make them happier about their own life? I'm not sure what sick joy people get out of other people being upset. If you would want to explain it. Be my guest. I don't even have an idea of why.

People can't complain about people not seeing who they really are, if they never show it.

I really hate going to bed each night with a headache of trying to figure these things out. But I've never lived any other way. And I'm happy with the way I am, and the way I think. Thank you very very much. Lot's of love, now and always.

Life is good.

I really think the only reason I love life so much is to see the small things happen. It's the simple things that make me smile. And that's why if anything above simple happens, it blows my mind.

Because to me, that's important.

I probably should focus more at school.
But my mind is always in some other place.

I focus on what I find important;
Love, Happiness, Purity, Integrity, Hope, Faith.

Not why some chemicals react,
or what ever the heck we are being tested on in Algebra II.

To future college, I'm sorry I'm never going to graph a Parabola
while trying to find some answers to the way people are or the
way the feel. Because to me, that's important.

"We're both smart, genuine, friendly, insightful,
talented, attractive young women. and one day,
two smart, genuine, friendly, insightful, talented,
attractive young men will take pride in what a bunch
of high school jerks have been missing out on."

- Gabbi Boyd

heartbreak

It's the worst to go through a heartbreak alone,
but from doing just that,
I learned to trust myself and grew closer to who I am.
Now? I'm my best friend and I love everything I am.

Here's to you.

Sometimes I wish you could see everything I've done for you, I'm doing for you, and will do for you. But you're my secret. The one thing I'm holding inside. I think it shines like a light, and I feel like I'm screaming it to the world. But each and everyday I find motivation to keep going just to see how I am in your eyes. So while we're in class, all I can think about it how much I wish the bell would ring, so I can talk to you. While we're at lunch, I wish we would finish eating so you can come up and say hi. While it's seventh period, with five minutes left, I hope you would go home and text me. While you're tearing yourself apart over her, I'm wishing you would see I would do anything to take her place. But you don't tear me up inside. Because how I feel about you is different than I've ever felt for someone before, and I know this is the way it should be.

I wish you needed me.

I wish you'd wish for me.
Because every night, I wish for you.

Beauty can't be defined.

I've been holding so much back.
But lately, what I've held inside has shown me who I am.

You will get no where if you go on and think life is absolutely the worst thing possible. That everyone is against you, that one person tears you down and you think the world is ending. I don't know a lot, but I know a few things.

Be yourself. Who cares if he doesn't like you. Who cares if she thinks you are annoying. Who cares if they go against what you believe in. So, you would change to please the people around you, what about yourself? What about who you are meant to be? You'll go through less pain by being on your side, then theirs.

You are loved. You effect people no matter what you think. And they love you for it. You make people smile and laugh. The last thing you need is to think you aren't loved when there is a crowd that thinks you are the coolest person ever.

What controls what people do? what they feel. And the one thing that you can't see about someone is how they feel. They can say and anything and everything, and all you have is to trust and have faith what they say they feel, they do.

----

Nothing says that can't happen.
Nothing says it won't.
So don't give up on something you love.
Because one day, you might be surprised.
One day, you might witness a miracle.
But a miracle is all that is standing between you and the impossible.
And once a miracle happens, you are living.

A day is a miracle.
A smile is a miracle.
A friend is a miracle.
Small miracle, but small is something.

Beauty can't be defined. And never will be.
There is nothing to say what is beautiful.
There is nothing to say who is beautiful.

With a smile, everyone is beautiful.
believe, hope, and dream.
And faith will take your hand.

why I write.

I write because

1. I have too many thoughts to express them any other way.
2. It involves thinking, I like thinking. I can't stop.
3. It makes me different from other people.
   
4. It let's me say what I want to say and not get punished.
   
5. I've accepted it as something I love, you can't control love.

But then again, do I need a reason to write?

"The manner of giving is worth more than the gift." -Pierre Corneille

"If you want to be happy, be." -Leo Tolstoy

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy." -Cynthia Nelms

"Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right." -H.H. "Breaker" Morant

"Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart." -Author Unknown

"True love stories never have endings." -Richard Bach

"Love is like a puzzle. When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together." -Author Unknown

"If you're going through hell, keep going." -Winston Churchill

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." -Author Unknown

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." -Alexander Graham Bell

"The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do." -Sarah Ban Breathnach

I need motivation.

I need inspiration.

I need love.

I need you.

we all want people to like us.
we all like someone.
we are too afraid to tell them though.
so we try to figure it out.
when all a long.
anyone would love to know someone likes them,
because
we all want people to like us.

I want to be someone's miracle.

shooting star.

It would be pretty awesome if we all had a wish.
If we had one wish that we knew would come true.

But I also think,
If that happened. No one would know what to wish for.
Because we all want so much,
but when you think about what you would wish for,
would it be for you?

I'm pretty sure your plan didn't work, because over here I'm just fine:)

Let's look back on the past three months,
I've lost a lot, but I've gained more.

I've realized the time will come.
Wait, be patient.
People will figure out if they need you or not,
and you need to figure that out also.

No, you don't need everyone.
But yes, you do need someone.
But not just anyone.

Being happy is being loved.
And love comes in so many different forms.
If you want love, show love.
If you want happiness, give happiness.

Your happiness depends on you.
Your life is yours, and what you get from it is
up to no one but you.

Where has your mind been? I understand it’s a huge deal. But I hope you’re happy that you’re leaving all your friends. One day, I know you will need someone, and when you don’t, I know I’ll feel bad. But I also know, you deserve it. If you are going to act like everyone loves you, I don’t need to be added to that number. Enjoy all the happiness while it’s here, I just know when that one person is gone, you are going to fall, and I was always here. But that’s it, I’m walking out of here on to people who really care.

It’s not because you’re perfect, it’s because you aren’t.

There are always those times when you feel unloved. I understand that and no matter how many times I do, you always make everything better. You don’t have to say anything, and you can make me smile. Being around you makes me feel like I actually matter to someone. No matter if you never say I’ve made a difference on your life, I hope I have. You’ve made me believe that people might need me and that sometimes friends come and go. For not saying much, you have taught me a lot. I hope you know that everyday, if it’s good or bad, depends on you. You make that difference every single day. You are practically the only reason I like going to school.

Being told to do something, makes you want to do it that much less, just sayin'

It's not my fault you're wonderful. It's not my fault that you can make me laugh with silence. It's not my fault that you can smile and wipe my tears away. It's not my fault you care more than anyone. It's not my fault I'm in love with you. That would be your fault. For being so perfect.

This is for you.

Your whole life can change in a second.
My life changed that second you walked in.
The light came from behind the clouds.
Your smile gave me hope.
Your hand was the only one I needed.
Honestly, loyalty, integrity.
A miracle some would call.
When I gave up everything.
God knew you were here.
You are one I'm not going to give up.

Love is hard.

I see lovers in the streets walking,
without a care.
They wear it out loud
like there's something in the air
Oooooh, well i don't care

They're treading lightly
No they, don't sink in
There's no tracks to follow
they don't care where they going
hmm

And if they're lucky yeah they'll,
they'll get to see and if they're
really really lucky they'll
get to feel..

And it kicks so hard,
it breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
it hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
makes your blood flow.
It's better that you know,
That love is hard.

Love takes hostages,
gives them pain.
gives someone the power to
hurt you again and again
oooh, but they don't care

And if they're lucky yeah they'll,
they'll get to see and if they're
really really lucky they'll
they'll get to feel.
And if they're, they're truely blessed
then they'll get to believe
and if you're dammed, you'll never
let youreself be deceived.

And it kicks so hard,
it breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
it hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
makes your blood flow.
It's beter that you know,
That love is hard.

Sometimes, I wish people like James Morrison could I don't know, be in highschool. <3 <3 <3

I love how everything I ever write is just random thoughts that no one cares about, I mean I don't even care.. Well, nevermind. Obviously I do.

I kind of want to move.
I kind of want to go somewhere where people are kind, where people understand, where people love, where people care. Oh wait, sounds like that one place people say don't exist.

But it seems like there has to be people out there like that. I mean, obviously there are.. right?

I'm making my way through.

When I was little I never really expected anything. I worried about the small things. I cried over the little things that mean absolutely nothing now. So I'm hoping that maybe years from now, I'll look back and be like "Wow, I got upset over the stupidest things." That's at least what I'm hoping.

I hope you know, you're beautiful.

You're beautiful.
With your smile.
With your sense of humor.
With your belief in miracles.
With your voice.
With your passion.
And there is nothing I would ever change about you.
So next time you're crying..
Remember,
You're beautiful.

It's not that I'm scared things won't turn out, I just want to make sure they do.

You know how you look outside and you see all these beautiful people with places to go, and people to meet. I just hope I'm someone like that. That maybe strangers think I have something in this world to offer. I would like to think everyone does though. Maybe you offer has much as you want to. Maybe everyone has the power of their imagination. Maybe everyone has an unlimited amount of love to give to the world. Maybe I could too?

The Last Song.

I am sorry, I know it's Nicholas Sparks. And if you want to read the book or see the movie because of it, go ahead. He is talented and all and I'm not ranting about "the Last Song" because of him.

This is about whats her face.. oh, Miley Cyrus.

She seriously wanted to be in a movie like "A Walk to Remember" so whatever you call the people that work for her, called up Mr. Sparks, and just says "Hey miley here wants to be in a movie, want to write her something?"

And well, he did.

So he wrote the script then the book..
Hey Miley, Can't you just be happy with you little Hannah Montana show? Let other people have some fame, we all know you love yourself, we know you think everyone loves you, know need to rub it in our faces you get everything.

Oh, and with TIM URBAN. Nice cover up, just a reason to hug him. Whatever.

I just think it's pretty stupid that there are a million people with talent, the the ones with barely any get all the fame. Let people who deserve it, get it. But hey, life is unfair.

Good, bad, I don't know. It's just a fact: Everybody is Changing.

Everybody is changing.
There isn't much to that.
People are gaining more confidence.
People are leaving their friends.
People are learning who they want to be.
Everybody is changing.

I really believe I'm in love. This guy is amazing.

I literally think I am in love with this guy..

Andy Samberg is ADORABLE.
James Marsden is ADORABLE.

But Alex Lambert, I'm just in love with.

Oh Alex Lambert.

Hey! what's up?! hey.. don't pretend like you care, at all.

It's annoying.
So please stop. You don't care, you never will.
So don't act like it.

But hey, you're still super cool..

Just when you think no one cares, please just think again.

You will never ever ever understand or believe me when I say this, but I would take a bullet for you. I'm not kidding either.

10 things I like about you. Because why would I list 10 things I hate?

1. You are adorable. How you don't follow the crowd. You do what you want to do, wear what you want to wear, be who you want to be.
2. You're smart. Book smart, life smart, you are just smart. You know things.
3. You care about people. People aren't maybe your best subject but you care about them. That means a lot.
4. Your smile. You can make me smile. Probably should be pretty important on this list. Because lately, making me smile is pretty hard. And you somehow have the power to do it.
5. You don't give up. When life brings you down, you don't let it keep you down for long. You show what you can do.
6. You know what to say and when. That speaks for itself.
7. You respect people. You respect their ideas and their beliefs.
8. You accept life. You take in what happens and learn from it. You, no matter how long it takes, you move on.
9. You have morals and stay with them. You stay with what you believe.
10. You can make the world laugh. Your sense of humor goes a long way. Probably with yourself, but me as well. You can make me laugh, whenever.

I lied, there are more than ten reasons why I like you.

11. You aren't cocky. You realize you are such a good person, but the world already knows that, you don't need to prove yourself. People know.
12. The smallest things mean a lot to you. I can just tell by the little things people do, make you talk for hours.
13. You have something to offer the world. You have the gift and power to change the world. I don't care if it's possible or not, I know you will make it possible. Because you have talent that no one I have ever known has had. You have so much to bring to people and I hope you do.

I could list a billion reasons, but to wrap up everything. You're you.
And I hope you never change that for anything or anybody.

People are just rude. That's it.

I don't understand why nor do I want to. I just want people to stop being so rude towards everyone.

I hope life is worth it, I hope one day, I'll wake up and see how much I would have missed.

I know this girl. No one understand anything about her. Probably because no one ever gives her a chance. She's not pretty on the outside, but she has a heart that she always believed would cancel out her appearance. People don't believe in her, so she has to sit around wondering if she can even believe in herself. She would give anything for anybody. All she asked for in return was time. Was for someone to take time out of there everyday to listen to her world crash and burn. She falls for people who don't look past themselves, but that doesn't stop her. She still wakes up each morning and prays that that day, will be the day. The day someone will say they love her. That day when the sun is the darkest of her skies. That day when she's called beautiful. I don't feel bad for this girl, she brings it on herself right? Maybe not, maybe so.

But it seems like the more she tries, the more she realizes that she trapped. That the one way out was that one decision that changed her life years ago. And now she has to live through each day knowing it could have all been stopped. She's in the ground, barely breathing. Maybe someone will step out and save her. Maybe she doesn't want to be saved, maybe she just wants to save someone. Maybe she needs to find the small things in her life that make her life worth living. Maybe she needs to be her own and only friend. Maybe she should stop loving. Because seems to me, that's the only reason she's always hurt. But i'll be her best friend, because I know that's all she wants. I'll be my own best friend.

Someday we'll know, so stop wasting your life away figuring out why. Somethings don't have reasons. And if you should know, you will figure it out.

I'm not going to give up hope.

Because there is not a key to happiness. It's a way of life.

And just because it rains. Just because it pours. Doesn't mean the sun has given up.

And I know, I know that one day I will be happy. You will be happy. The world will be happy. But happiness won't just walk in. In order to be happy, you have to tell yourself you are. You will never be happy if you say things could not get worse.

I love life and everything it brings. You have made me so much stronger.
I know the people I need to surround myself by, and no, it's not you.
So act immature, keep on going through each day the way you want to.
Because today and forever, what you do is not going to effect me.
I'm stronger than that.
I don't need you to pull me down anymore.
I have enough strength to pull myself up.
And tomorrow I am going to wake up, with a smile.
Knowing that each day I cried over some small action you did,
was a day closer to being happy.
And now that you are gone.

I love who I am, who I will be, and who I'm becoming.

I love, because there is no reason to hate.

It's the little things like this that just make my day.

me: You know, you don't have to go to college.

kelsey: yeah

me: yeah I'm not going to.

kelsey: okay

Bible Dictionary

Miracle

an event in the external world brought about by the immediate agency or the simple volition of God, operating without the use of means capable of being discerned by the senses, and designed to authenticate the divine commission of a religious teacher and the truth of his message (John 2:18; Matt. 12:38). It is an occurrence at once above nature and above man. It shows the intervention of a power that is not limited by the laws either of matter or of mind, a power interrupting the fixed laws which govern their movements, a supernatural power. "The suspension or violation of the laws of nature involved in miracles is nothing more than is constantly taking place around us. One force counteracts another: vital force keeps the chemical laws of matter in abeyance; and muscular force can control the action of physical force. When a man raises a weight from the ground, the law of gravity is neither suspended nor violated, but counteracted by a stronger force. The same is true as to the walking of Christ on the water and the swimming of iron at the command of the prophet. The simple and grand truth that the universe is not under the exclusive control of physical forces, but that everywhere and always there is above, separate from and superior to all else, an infinite personal will, not superseding, but directing and controlling all physical causes, acting with or without them." God ordinarily effects his purpose through the agency of second causes; but he has the power also of effecting his purpose immediately and without the intervention of second causes, i.e., of invading the fixed order, and thus of working miracles. Thus we affirm the possibility of miracles, the possibility of a higher hand intervening to control or reverse nature's ordinary movements. In the New Testament these four Greek words are principally used to designate miracles: (1.) Semeion, a "sign", i.e., an evidence of a divine commission; an attestation of a divine message (Matt. 12:38, 39; 16:1, 4; Mark 8:11; Luke 11:16; 23:8; John 2:11, 18, 23; Acts 6:8, etc.); a token of the presence and working of God; the seal of a higher power. (2.) Terata, "wonders;" wonder-causing events; portents; producing astonishment in the beholder (Acts 2:19). (3.) Dunameis, "might works;" works of superhuman power (Acts 2:22; Rom. 15:19; 2 Thess. 2:9); of a new and higher power. (4.) Erga, "works;" the works of Him who is "wonderful in working" (John 5:20, 36). Miracles are seals of a divine mission. The sacred writers appealed to them as proofs that they were messengers of God. Our Lord also appealed to miracles as a conclusive proof of his divine mission (John 5:20, 36; 10:25, 38). Thus, being out of the common course of nature and beyond the power of man, they are fitted to convey the impression of the presence and power of God. Where miracles are there certainly God is. The man, therefore, who works a miracle affords thereby clear proof that he comes with the authority of God; they are his credentials that he is God's messenger. The teacher points to these credentials, and they are a proof that he speaks with the authority of God. He boldly says, "God bears me witness, both with signs and wonders, and with divers miracles." The credibility of miracles is established by the evidence of the senses on the part of those who are witnesses of them, and to all others by the testimony of such witnesses. The witnesses were competent, and their testimony is trustworthy. Unbelievers, following Hume, deny that any testimony can prove a miracle, because they say miracles are impossible. We have shown that miracles are possible, and surely they can be borne witness to. Surely they are credible when we have abundant and trustworthy evidence of their occurrence. They are credible just as any facts of history well authenticated are credible. Miracles, it is said, are contrary to experience. Of course they are contrary to our experience, but that does not prove that they were contrary to the experience of those who witnessed them. We believe a thousand facts, both of history and of science, that are contrary to our experience, but we believe them on the ground of competent testimony. An atheist or a pantheist must, as a matter of course, deny the possibility of miracles; but to one who believes in a personal God, who in his wisdom may see fit to interfere with the ordinary processes of nature, miracles are not impossible, nor are they incredible. (merriam-webster.com)

Kelsey Olsen

I feel bad for everyone. I really do, but one person I don't feel bad for is myself.

I have this friend.
She's actually my best friend.
She's actually that one person who is always there for me.
She's actually the best person I've ever met.

She's shown me who I could be, and who I should be. She's shown me how to smile when I know I have a right to cry. She's kept me motivated to keep believing that it'll be okay. I owe her so much. And no thank you would be enough. Someday, somehow she will see how much I appreciate everything she does for me and for other people.

This was short and simple.
But how much she deserves doesn't fit in this world.

I love you Kelsey.

I always thought that I was surrounded by people that love me.

Now I'm not so sure.

I'm sorry I'm not the perfect child. I know I'm not, but don't ever ask why I'm the why I am.
I just am, I can't explain it.

I guess maybe you don't know what it's like to have to go to highschool everyday.
I guess you don't have a clue how it is to always be broken.
I guess you don't know what it's like to be me.

I don't care if you know, just never ever tell me that I should act different. I can't.
and don't ever question why I'm the way I am, I don't freaking know.

It's up to you.

Pick him, it's really fine.

I don't care.
Really, trust me.

Yeah, you're right, I can't trust you.
But trust me,
see, I never was the one
to stab you right in the back.

or heart for that matter.

But who cares right? right.

Maybe the world would look like a better place from up there.
Anytime, anywhere. A hot air balloon ride, speechless.

James Marsden.
it's plain and simple. you are adored by all.

Andy Samberg.
Why can't you be 17 years old?
Why do you have to be so funny?
Why do you have to be on SNL?
Why do you have to be ADORABLE?
Why do you have to exist,
because ever since.
People think I'm a freak,
then again, thank you Andy Samberg.
For letting the world know who I really am.
Sounds deeper than it is,
but we'll go with it.
If I could meet you, I would meet you.
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.
But hey, maybe, maybe, someone I know
that knows you, will be reading this!
Yeah, nevermind. Enjoy your life.

Sometimes I think the only way of expressing myself is through music.

So I've decided, I'm going to write you a song, plain and simple.

But as I write, I reach the last verse.

I was hoping that, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be able to finish the song. You know, because each and everyday would bring something new.

If it was my choice, this song would last forever.

I guess you really wanted to hear the last verse.

Oh, it's just andy samberg, again.

HEY WHAT'S UP ANDY SAMBERG.
SURE, I GUESS I'LL JUST GO AND MEET YOU.


Since you want to meet me thaaaaat bad.

Maybe they don't know you, because you never give them the chance too. It's just an idea.

If you had to write out everything about you.
Could you do it?

I think one of my goals in life is to be able to write, express, who I am, all of me. Because if you don't express who you are, no one will know. And what's the point of that?



But again, no matter what you say. No matter what you do. People are going to think and talk about you how they always were going to. But what they say doesn't make it true. And it's annoying to see suchc beautiful people getting pushed away by people that don't know them.

Hi, I'm Michele. I love to write. And guess what, that's all I know.
Maybe I'll get some place one day, maybe not.

I'll send you a postcard when I get there.

Maybe it's that thing that keeps everyone from doing what they love and saying how they feel. Fear.

I respect your opinion.
I respect you.
But maybe, one day.
I'm just asking, one day.
Could you.. be nice?

Here's a little secret, my brothers have influenced and effected me more than anyone else.

Scott Palmer

No one ever really understands how anything works. But my brother, Scott, has helped me through more than I, or anyone, really knows. He has influenced me to make the right choices, and most of all just be who I am. And if there were anything I could do to repay him for that, I would. But the thing is, when someone does something for you as much as Scott has done for me. There is not anything that can show how much it means to you. And it means the world to me. He's listened when no one else would. He gives the best advice, and I've enjoyed life more and more everyday. And I have him to thank for that.

Eric Palmer

I bet you've had those times when you just want someone to hear you. When you really just want someone at all to sit down and listen to you. There has not been one person out that has showed they cared more than Eric has. He's come to me when no one else would. He knew when I needed someone, and I don't understand why I ever needed anyone else. The thing I remember most was when I really just needed an open ear and he gave me that. He played music to make me smile. It meant the world. And I doubt he even knew.

This wasn't much, but it's those people in the world that means so much,
that when you don't see or talk to them as much,
you realize how much they meant, or in better words, how much they mean.

And they probably won't read this. But I owe them a million thank yous.
I would not be the person I am without them.