Shut the door*

I don't understand why I look for all these different places to write down, exactly how I feel about you. Why has this not happened before? Because this is the first time I'm going against what I believe. I believe that if you like someone, if you see someone for who they are, and you like that, why would you not tell the person? Why would you keep inside something that could be the difference of life and death for someone? For you, there is no way I would ever tell you. I don't tell my friends, I don't tell my family, I don't tell. Because I know once people know, the feeling I have, does not mean as much. Through the lies and assumptions something so pure can become meaningless. And no matter what anyone says, I know how I feel is something that can and is tearing me up inside. And some tears you can not hold in. Why I won't tell you? You don't need someone else to let down. Maybe I can keep the hope alive not knowing how you actually feel.

I always said not to make assumptions, but honestly there are times where it's too obvious to deny. I know you were and will never feel the same as I do. I know I will never be that girl you have been using your 16 years of your life looking for, so I can say- there is no point.

But my point in all this is not so we can fall in love and run away together. There is no reason for me to deny the fact you have changed my life, and brought someone out of me I've never knew was there. While you are off trying to make your life perfect, I'm trying to just live mine. I don't have time to add perfection, I'm trying to just make it through.

You are the hardest to let go.
and it is no mystery why.

There was never a closure.
I'm trying to use writing to let out everything I feel.
And I never wanted it to come to having to tell you to refresh and renew my soul.

But each day is getting longer.
Each night I stay up longer crying.
Each morning, I pray I'll make it through.

And each day I realize, that maybe keeping this door a crack open just in case you need me, doesn't work.
Maybe I need to tell you how I really feel, say goodbye, and shut the door.